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ld exco!
noir et blanc
picnick dayy
jas q's birthday!
mandy's birthday!

in da house;
chi hui*foxy
choon boonbooner
enen n jiayu
jasmine teh
sing ling
sng tiakmrsng.tiakie.
swei`la mei

simple plan
good charlotte
jesse mccartney

deviant art
who lives near you


heyy all! pls relink at!

quiksilver + volcom
whoa. i'm beat.
alright i went to school, played bball before lessons
then during the first break, played again.
and yet again during the second break
AND after school.
then i ran off to pac plaza!
walked into stussy, couldn't find any nice shirts with nice designs
so up i went into the ripcurl shop
blew my bucks on this volcom shirt.
42 bucks man!!
then i realised glen's quiksilver voucher was only until tmr!
so i went into quiksilver and bought yet another shirt!
35 bucks!
OMG. i'm so freaking broke!!

now i dunno whether to redo lit project.
cuz it's so tiring and she didn't exactly say we have to redo.

projects and craps
just finished the darn lit project!
but we didn't compare!
cuz there's like 3 ppl in our group. ahhwell.
oh man. every sunday's torture now.
all spent on doing projects and homework!
and talking about homework, i still have maths, econs, chem and lit to do!!!
help! haha. thank god i don't have to take chinese anymore!
otherwise i'd just DIE.

anw, i went tanning yest!
and i'm a little burnt. forgot to pack in the lotion.
darn it hurts a little
ohwell. after tanning, we went out for dinner as a family.
and it was super funny when the drink guy came to take our orders.
i was telling my mum i wanted a coke.
and so she placed the order.
and the guy said "so, ni yao yi ge cock(coke)?"
and my mum nodded.
omg, when he walked away the both of us were laughing like mad!
haha hilarious.
and when he brought the drinks we were trying so hard not to laugh
and we started laughing all over again when he left.
i was telling my mum, "mum, drink the coke and tell him, uncle, ni de cock(coke) hen hao he"
mum was like, "i'm sure u're gonna tell all your friends"
and i was like YEAHH.

crashing acjc
c l i c k

1T10 vday!!
c l i c k

A flower name

You are a visionary with courage and enthusiasm if a little hasty at times. Your ambitious nature can be satisfied when you apply wisdom, patience and self-discipline to your vitality and zest. You have wonderful way with words and may be drawn to the communications arena where there is the potential for great success. Your generous and warm nature attracts many friends and loved ones.

yes i've been quite a bitch lately and now i feel that i should have told her earlier. and helped her. but instead i've been selfish. i hope God forgives me. and i hope that now, everyone can give this someone a chance to learn to be a better person! i'm sorry!

mann.. i'm getting quite sick of this blog!
need to get a new blog!
shall change to blogspot soon!
so that i can make the font all colourful and stuff!

yupp so anw!
we went for fun-o-rama yest!
haha was so freaking hot!
i met jiaxin at the bus stop and she asked if i wanted to cab to city hall with her to meet gen
(cause tt spoilt brat didn't know how to go to buona vista)
haha so i did!
so we took a train from city hall to buona vista
and all the way there we were talking about jcs and stuff
met the rest of her class there at the station and had to bring them in cuz they didn't know how to get there.
and then i met up with foxy, jerome and rose!!
then we were like walking ard and stuff after i got my tickets from jas.
was quite stupid and boring and david couldn't come cuz he injured his ankle.
poor boy ):
we missed him!
but he was so nice to come pass us his tickets!
then jerome and i decided to spice things up by competing in games!
and i drew with him! except for the spongebob one i think
i won the spongebob sponge but I LOST IT! ):
so as we were playing, foxy and rose were EATING. HAHA
then we re-joined them and went to queue for the haunted house in LT2!
met loads of ppl there, cj ppl and sn ppl and some familiar faces here and there.
HAHA and i played this game with jerome and i tricked him!
AND i got his brother too! WOOHOO! was super funny
then meiqi and benjamin came to join us for haunted house and we were like trembling before we even went in,
thinking what if we wet our pants and stuff!
haha damn funny.
so we entered the LT and tt guy started telling the story and all of us were LAUGHING! HAHA
oh man. but he managed to keep a straight face which was quite good.
so we went into the tunnel and the first stop was the altar.
and then we went up the steps to the mirror thingy and this girl was combing her hair and then she suddenly turned and crawled towards us!!!
then jerome BACKKKEDD! and the whole group almost tumbled down the stairs! haha and benjamin was like, WHAT WHAT??
then we hurried past tt girl lying on the floor, and she suddenly grabbed benjamin's ankles!
then we walked through the stupid tunnel and i felt this thing on my shoulder. and it was this fake hand hanging from the top.
then i bent damn low cuz there were loads of things hanging
stupid lah. haha then rose walked into this wig of hair!
and she screamed like mad!!
then there was the banging sounds outside the tunnel and she screamed again!
HAHA. super funny. chihui kept laughing throughout!
then when we reached the end. the guy was lying on the floor.
and tt other guy told us to gather. I KNEW there was gonna be sth. and true enough, he started crawling towards us!
so we ran out of the LT screaming! and ppl were staring at us like we were a bunch of asses!
then jerome and i decided to scream at rose. so we did. and she screamed like mad!
in public. sorry rose, didn't mean to scare you that bad.
alright so then, we still had like 50 bucks worth of tickets. and jerome gave some to his friends, cuz darcy and jing da didn't want.
then we bought a shirt and some food and cabbed to david's house!

too bad glen didn't come man! i missed him!
haha so yeah. we went into david's room.
and cuz there was this mirror behind his door and we were standing there looking at his stuff.
then jerome suddenly turned to the door and he was like WHO'S THAT!
HAHAHAHAHA super funny.
and he did loads more spas stuff!
he was really funny and we took loads of videos!
i shall upload SOON.
he tried to suck helium, but was unsuccessful! haha
okay sorry jerome, we all still love you!
then we went to watch spongebob.
where i laughed LOADS but the three of them were staring in horror at me laughing. HAHAHAHA
the show was super funny!
"I'M A GOOFY GOOBER!" haha so after that we slacked ard and his parents asked if we were going for dinner.
lalee came! but she and jerome pangsehed!
so only foxy and i were left to go for dinner.
and it was darn weird.
haha dinner was good. and his parents were super nice.
well i hope we made your day david!
cheer up! OH and my butt helped crack his ankle back into place! :D

you may not know this, but i'm still missing you real bad

well, my school did relatively well.
but not me..
well i was initially VERY happy that i got below 20 and was able to qualify for jc and not to mention cj.
but well, i went ard consoling ppl who got 12 pts!
and it dawned on me that i didn't do well.
so i stoned.
and when i left the hall i started crying.
haha that's kinda stupid ain't it.
well, then glen called and said he'd come down
HE'S SO NICE! -hugs-
so after he put down
who else called but ZHIHONG!!
from canada too!
at that time i was already bawling
haha and i laughed and cried at the same time
oh man.
i miss that guy so much
yeah and so
i ended up laughing and crying all the way
goes to show how weird i am huh
i'm really thankful for all the new friends i've made.
especially those who're so close to me
like glen, david and lalee, foxy and jerome and ian.
but well, that's only to mention some.
cuz there's so many more :D
cj totally rocks and i think i'd probably stay
though i'll probably have to exercise loads of self-control and discipline to study hard and do well
yupp. i love you all :)

i thank Him for answering my prayers :)

well okay enough said abt that!
today had maths which was super funny once again..
was helping sexy foo to wipe the board
then he came into class
and said "ey, you so short one ah?" -.-
then later he was saying, "hey who's in charge of the duty roster?"
and he told ian, "you cannot let her wipe the whiteboards, or clean the windows, only can sweep the floor, cuz it's close to the ground"
later i stood up in the middle of lesson
and he looked at me and said "are you standing or are you sitting? doesn't seem to make a difference"
haha he's SOOO MEAN!!
but funny :)

so anw, after a shit long day of lessons,
i spent some time slacking at the grandstand with mich, david and jerome!
and we were talking talking..
then went shopping with jerome!
and took bus with yiliang and kenneth
and at far east we met the scandalous pair: roy and sam!
haha so funny, then we combined and shopped together
they're really funny
not to mention horny too. HAHA!
was a really fun day
and i introduced jerome to nice shops! :D
now he's gonna have better dress sense! YAY
thanks to ME!

WOO! 1T10 totally rocks the house!
today there was council orientation!
was super dee duper funn!
we were split into groups, given a slip of paper
of which has the names of the animal group we were alloted to.
then we had to make the noise of the animal to CALL for our fellow animals!
haha was super funny.
anw i was a duck! and we were quacking super loudly so we won!!
then later, the horses didn't have enough ppl.
and they needed one person from our group.
and no one wanted to go, so i had to volunteer ):
so sad, i had to leave the ducks and become a mixed breed
haha but the horses were nice too! (:
then we went to carry logs and they made us do stupid stuff carrying the darn heavy log..
the last part of tt game was to pass the log across this area with it being over the shoulder.
and cuz the facil said "you cannot carry YOUR log and run with it", mark found a loophole in tt and we switched logs with this other group and started running!
hahaha and i didn't even know what was going on at first. just did as i was told..
then we went on the play the body game
which we had to follow instructions and place whatever no. of body parts required on the floor, while the rest of the body was not supposed to touch the ground.
the last one was super super tricky!
only 4 feet on the ground, and there were 8 of us!
so ALL of us, stood on giam chong and justin's feet!
hahaa bet their feet went numb!
but was all worth it cuz we won!
super fun. and so, our group was SECOND! and first was the ducks!
then using those points, we played this water game,
and i was made the queen and had to wear this newspaper which we all had to keep dry while we were attacked.
so we formed allies with the monkeys and ducks and all the queens were huddled together!
then the girls all formed this wall ard us. but the strategy didn't work and i was totally wet within ten secs!
mann.. hahaha and then when the game ended, i sneaked two waterbombs and went to bomb the facils!
both joshua and mark got it from me. haha
yeah so after tt we had briefing and all and were supposed to come up with our proposals and stuff.
yay council's like so fun! and i made so many friends! :)

then after that!
we had class outing!!
today's was more of a success cuz there were like ard 6-8 ppl present
we wanted to watch memoirs of a geisha!
but the tickets were sold out and ppl couldn't stay!
so we went to play pool instead.
which turned out to be quite a bore..
afterwchich we left to look for foxy and rosemary!
haha they were a bundle of joy!
poor foxy was sick!
hope she gets better like SOON SOON!
we were all laughing like mad!
t10 ppl are crazy lah! laugh at anything and everything!
haha then we accompanied jerome for some food cuz the poor guy didn't have lunch..
and we were all laughing like mad all over again!
ian treated us to ice cream and he was like playing with his food! like play-doh!
yeah was really funny.
and they started teasing me and we started grabbing each other's phones and all!
the ppl from t10 really rock my world man!
i love them all :D

my darling friend.

guys are the ultimate bastards.
well so after a century of not blogging. i finally decide to update. it's been somewhat an exciting holiday. the twists and turns has caused it to become somewhat of a rollercoaster ride.

to *you: i never could have imagine that you would be the one who has caused me the most hurt ever. because i never would have believed you would. but once again you proved me wrong. and reminded me how bastardized the male species are. most anyway. the cruel way you have treated me was never expected. much less from a person like you. i'd like to say that, i might still love you, but i despise you for such actions. for such hurt you've caused. and that if you keep up with it, that love would probably turn into hate.

okay so back to the hols. went to work at fullerton with people like timon, LYNN(my wacky cousin), yanhan, yihong, benjamin, gwenda and cathy. woo! was fun! but i had to leave earlier cuz i went genting! but the entire trip to genting totally sucked, mainly cuz i was missing someone who isn't really worth mentioning right now. but yeah. i missed the GM cutting up turkey for everyone!! and i missed the christmas spirit at fullerton! how sad. anw we went to have a gathering at fish and co on new year's eve before the rest went off to work! yay! hopefully we'll all go back to work again!

on another note, school has started! CJC! it totally rocks! everyone's so friendly and nice. and i love IG6 and T10! our class is so freaking united! the memories forever would be treasured would be:
-dragon boating
-running in the rain for amazing race
-dancing mass dance with zhentang, fabian, justin and mark!
-slacking ard in the canteen
-calling out random names of ppl i dunno and saying hi
-hanging out with the bears
-being hyper with my class
and all the many many things!!!
hmmm so maybe i'll stay in cj after all!

i'm a happy girl, but my heart is still aching.

i think i've fallen for you.
wonder if it's a mistake
but i've taken a step into it.
too late to turn back

d7 to b4
skipped three grades
what else does she want?


i'll say goodbye to the shopping trips that were to come
i'll say goodbye to the trip to the chocolate shop
i'll say goodbye to working with you
i guess it's time to say goodbye.

once again,
this happens.
promises unfulfilled
go on, enjoy yourself.
it's okay.
i'll be fine.
here to catch you again
should you fall.
and the cycle will repeat itself.

`lies and deceit

who's there when i'm down?
who's there to pick me up?
who knows?
who cares?
i'm quite certain there's no one.
people only tend to come,
when they need you.
not the other way round.

i just wanna cry.
just break down and cry.
cry all night.
cry my eyes out.
just wanna cry.

i'm sick of all the test papers,
sick of all the stress.
i'm sick of all you people,
sick of trying to talk to you.
i'm sick of all the lies,
the deceit.
sick of all the excuses.
O get out of my sight!
i'm sick of how you don't get
that i'm so sick of trying.

the failure.
21 pts.
i deserved that.
like a slap across the face.
with a crisp reverberation.
it's a sign.
time to wake up,
move on.
get on with it

nothing is ever enough.
i guess today was the very first time i broke down in public.
everything i do always renders useless.
nothing i do is ever enough.
what did i do wrong to deserve such name-calling as your daughter?

the stress is building up.
and i'm beginning to think i'm never gonna make it.
i'm never gonna make the cut.
no matter what.
cause i'm losing faith,
losing hope.
lacking time.

and sometimes i can't help but to look at your achievements.
and wonder how many ppl you've used to get what you have now.
and me being one of those idiots who let you use them.

i've lost.
in every aspect.

`falling hard

i want THAT volcom sketch kit and wallet!!!

i wish you all away.

AEIQ. rockin' fun
HEY ALLL!!! you guys out there who have planned this convention and came for it, i just wanna say tt i love you guys loads!!!!

we've worked soo soo hard for four months. was hell of a ride. had so many ups and downs. you guys are all such intriguing individuals. each with uniqueness and all. I LOVE YOU ALL!!! the past two days have been great funn and all our efforts have been paid off! i'm really gonna miss all the meetings we've had and the days we've spent, whether it was having funn or having trouble with some challenges met. let's plan a POST-CONVENTION AND A POST POST CONVENTION!!! haha. love ya all.

I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH AND YOU GUYS ROCKED MY WORLD!! it was so great having to work with such a wonderful committee with such committed members. you guys have been great, offering help, searching for sponsorship, ordering stuff, getting stuff. with such efficiency and such zeal.
i'm definitely gonna miss all the spasticness and everything that we've done together:
-the log sign
-the log comm chicken dance
-zhao cai mao
-''we like to move it move it"
-"you didn't see anything"

you guys will forever stay on my mind and i won't ever forget these wonderful days we've had together! we'll still continue to go out for funn funn outings and crapp as much okayye!! GREAT JOB ALL!!
-pats on the back and kicks butt-

TO THE PARTICIPANTS: although i didn't spend much time interacting with you guys and was mostly busy preparing all the food and drinks for u guys, i think u guys rocked totally! thanks for coming for convention and being so enthusiastic and all! i really really hope that you guys have enjoyed your time at our convention and spread the word tt it totally rocked!! (if you think it did. and I THINK IT DID) haha. well. continue to keep in touch with your friends here at the convention and i hope tt you guys have gained more from this convention tt the org comm has painstakingly organised. CONTINUE WEARING YOUR SHIRTS! haha. maybe i'll spot u in them at orchard or sth and we can all say hi!!!!

hi. and i'd like to say i hate you.
please get your shit-face outta my sight.

jerked to a stop.
it's been a long time since i last blogged.
and we got a gold.
-huge grin :D
well done everyone!

back to reality.
i was given a choice to drop chem.
shows how badly i'm doing huh.
but i'm studying hard.
trying my best.
and my results seem to have seen a teeny weeny bit of improvement.
an IMPROVEMENT nevertheless.
as long as i keep working at it.
i guess i'll get the hang of this.
sooner or later.
studying's quite fun.
especially after 10.
for now, i'm gonna put everything else on hold (i hope)
and concentrate and FOCUS on my studies.

i guess everyone's gone through a bad patch in life.
and some seem worse than others.
but u'll live and pull through it i guess.
and i hope that u'll see clearly.
and gauge the situation.
because soon u'll come to see.
everyone has a part to play.
and no one gets all the blame shifted to themselves alone.
but for now.
just take a break,
don't think about it.
think happy thoughts
and smile :)
cuz u've still got me.

i am jane.
and i don't want the world to see me,
cause i don't think that they'd understand.
when everything's made to be broken,
i just want you to know who i am.

our best shot.
to all syf ld-ians:
we've all worked super hard.
and tmr's THE DAY.
pls rest well all and recharge ur energy!!
we've give it our all tmr
and we will get what we deserve!
smile cuz we're almost there.

s l i t .

cut me deep, i think it's fun.
make me bleed, you'd better run.

and i lost it all.

stabbed once again.

l o o k here. w a t c h us.
look here.
and watch us.
as we rock the stage.
hmmm.. rushed to cca immediately after the prize presentation
changed into costumes and crap and did our syf play 3 times.
for the hods and principal and all
quite good reviews.
keep up the good work peeps!
it's been hard on everyone
but i know we can do better!!
we'll go for it
and we'll get it
i guess i kinda touched on discipline today with the monitors.
without gen or tammy there to back me up.
was disappointing.
but i felt i had to do sth abt it.
sorry guys.
but yeah.
the discipline's lacking
lacking wayy too much
but i guess i was already quite mellow about it
yeah well,
i've changed
since primary school
haha if i were still like how i was then
ppl would have been so damn pissed cuz i'd be screaming my head off
but yeah well..
time for a change in attitude
and if no one's gonna make that change
i'll have to do it
even if it means being the bad guy.
nothing is ever fair anyway

and i don't want the world to see me
cause i don't think that they'd understand
when everything's made to be brokenn
i just want you to know who i am.

what a funny word.
which seems to affect us all.
in one way or another.
yes you have changed.
ever since i dunno when.
and i'm probably the only one who sees this.
i've been trying to delude myself about this change in you.
for two years
i've been telling myself it's not true
lying to myself.
but it so happens to be
that it is true
and i can't deny it
many of you guys out there have changed too
many things don't seem to be like it used to be right
i just hate this change in you
and i just hope you'd change for the better
but i don't think you will
because you seem to be enjoying this now
since you've changed
just leave me alone alright
stop bugging me
digging inner emotions out of me
i'm sick of it
and i wonder how you do it continuously
and how i fall for that alluring trap
time and time again
i never seem to learn do i?
well someday
i will learn
and someday
you'll see how it hurts
to be talked about
but for now
just get lost
and stop yakking about me
please change.

i'm sadd.
about stuff happening at school.
why do ppl wanna complicate things so much.
i just dunno why.
why do ppl wanna be special
and be noticed
and yearn for attention?
well i guess everyone's like that
okay maybe just majority.
everyone wants to be seen as special
i try to be a nice person.
i try to help.
but what i get is.
yeah i'm talking about alot of ppl here.
and what i see
is a facade
ppl are fake
they put on a disguise
they mask themselves
they act nice.
but behind your backs
they just tell ppl different things
from what they tell you
and those ppl are not even sure they're getting the wrong info
it's a complicated thing to explain
and i'm trying to sort things out
in my mind.
gen and i are.. seriously brain-dead
don't wanna think anymore.
most of the times,
we're trying to defend monitors
but if our own monitors can't discipline themselves
then nothing much we say or do will help right?
i dunno.
and yeah.
i'm not just talking abt one person kayye.
if u even think i'm talking abt u.
i'm talking abt the general population.
just kinda became obvious to me after that meeting.
discipline is just going down the drain.
as is ld's discipline.
is it so hard to exercise self-control?
i'm very very very upset abt some things.
but it's just so hard to articulate things.
especially when ppl all ard you are hidden behind the shadows.

confused and confounded.
i need to talk to someone.

relationships are tiring.
i like him, i like you,
i like her, i like them.
i'm confused.

yest was an okay day i suppose
went to school early in the morn
decided not to go for chem but to do homework
ended up helping green house and blue house for their props
but red's ready to ROCK
some complications lah
shouldn't mention too much
but i think everyone's SOSOSO stressed.
chill guys,
everything will just turn out fine in the end
after tt went to slack cuz we ended so early
went to j8 to buy some stationary
attempted to buy presents for gloria and sammie
but couldn't find anything nice lah
plus i'm quite broke after buying the crumpler
then went to the macs at wushu
macs AGAIN
anw, bel and i TRIED
but failed to sleep
cuz the ppl there was so noisy
bballers and all
so we couldn't sleep
got so irritated and got down to doing some homework!
i finished half of ONE of my compres
and after tt wushu started lah
so freaking shagged
learnt the gun4
the whole set
then had to do over and over and over againn
and i seriously can't stand perrine now kayye!
she keeps copying what i do!!!
right bel?!
like can you have your own style please.
copy me for what!?
nothing nice to copy anw.
so tt's abt it.
after wushu went for bbq.
which was SO boring.
family spirit seems to be dissipating.
and kor left early.
probably went clubbing lah
so in the end, i just went home SHAGGED.

drowning in me.
oh man.
i can't play bball i can't play bball i can't play bball!
yea man.
i totally suck at it.
today was quite depressing lah.
especially during cca.
was feeling quite down.
then after tt not bad lah.
oh man i suck at it.
haha BUT.
i scored a goal!!
two actually!
steph didn't come for cca lah!
i missed her!
well anw. what happened after bball.
or should i say took place without my knowing
WHEN i was playing bball.
was horrendous.
i'm like traumatised.
shall not elaborate man.
ppl who were INVOLVED.
whether directly or indirectly,
yeah. then after tt took bus to the 268 stop outside yck mrt with gen and debbie.
then the stupid guy sitting behind debbie kept smiling at me kay.
irritating pok.
and he was MALAY.
not tt i'm racist or anything.
SO irritating.
then when i went to the mrt station.
this chinese guy was like asking me to buy this ticket thingy.
then i was like HUH? what issit for?
and he was like.. for facial lah??
"cann buy?? pls pls. cuz i'm rushing (in CHINESE)"
"pls lah. if u buy then next time i see you i treat you to starbucks"
i got real pissed.
and i was like ?!?!?! excuse me, you haven't even explained to me what it's abt and u expect me to buy??
and he gave me a super brief explanation.
which was so UNSATISFACTORY!
so i didn't buy it.
and he was like walao. i explain LIAO then u never buy.
then i was like running away and saying sorry lah!
and he said sth in chinese.. sorry got use BLAHBLAH.
so irritating.
so anw, i didn't get to buy my crumpler todayye.
cuz went to watch a series of unfortunate events with gen and mandy.
was okay lah.
the baby was so cute.

chinese new year.
i haven't been blogging for centuries.
wonder why..
but i'm getting sick of blogging man!
i'm like so tired of everything.
on cny eve,
was supposed to go out with jas and angie.
and there was wilson's birthday lunch.
and also lunch with xinling.
but in the end..
decided to go for a movie with bella and gen.
hahaha we were so lucky.
cut the queue in lido,
got the last few tickets for constantine!
it rocked.
and the stupid audience kept making stupid noises.
can't be bothered to elaborate.
i'm just so sick of everything.
tired in fact.
it's like.. i'm so cooped up with school life.
meetings more than studies.
and all the organising of stuff.
i don't even contact my friends anymore.
it's like so sad.
cuz my friends no longer sms me.
like nic.
well..that kinda happened after obs.
and like..
my friends who used to contact me have been busy too lately i guess.
like that corndog too.
happy new year to u guys out there.
it's a boring old new year.
doesn't seem to be much fun anymore is it?
not even the collecting red packets part.

sweet sixteen
basically i'm super happy this birthday because..
omg.. and so many meaning.
even primary one friends.
yea i'm just happy when everyone wished me a happy birthday.
but dad's outta the country.
so had to go to school by myself this morn.
met marcus and vincent!
they're a comical pair but not in the comical kinda way.
okay so i went to cheers and 7-eleven to get chocolates and stuff..
spent quite alot man.
damn. shouldn't have an atm card.
okay then when i reached father barre,
ying called.
to inform me tt onefaith was trooping up to fourjustice.
okay so i saw them all outside at the level bench.
and i went to put down my stuff..
then they crowded outside fourhope.
was kinda awkward la.
cuz they were like quite shy.
then millie and mandy goaded them on.
haha then they started giving me presents.
man i feel quite guilty.
cuz the stuff they gave me are like not very cheap.
and they gave me a cake too!
so i asked them to go down to the canteen during recess to cut it la.
if not like so pointless.
so ya.
gave them some chocolates!
especially those who organised this "surprise" thing!
yea and i wanna thank everyone who wished me a happy birthday!
and those who gave me presents!
yupp. so during recess we cut cake!
and there was no plates!
so used tissue paper!
haha.. so funny. yea. I HATE MY CHEM RELIEF TEACHER!
she so gets on my nerves.
okay anw, after school,
rushed to j8 with martina and tammy.
turns out alot of ppl pangseh me!
then.. timon and peter were already there eating.
and they ignored me when i said hi.
or at least timon did.
at least peter said hi!
haha think it was because he didn't recognise me at first.
then they left before everyone even arrived.
quite rude.
i was a little put off.
so they just gave me the card and ran away..
okay so in total there were 16 ppl there including me..
and airell bought me a cake!
soo nice of him.
yea then we ate..
and i felt kinda guilty cuz there wasn't enough space at the first table..
so they had to sit behind me..
felt soo bad!
then after eating we cut the cake..
then after they all finished eating,
they left me there with jonas and the cath high and ijtp ppl.
waited for stupid darren to come fm home.
waited for like half an hour.
so he just came in and took the leftover pizza and cake and left.
haha OKAY.
so kinda waited for nothing la.
then ya, went home with jonas, yang and wilson.
i'm SO BEAT.
anw, thanks everyone who came!!!
so sad la..
my sqishhie couldn't come..
as well as my corndog/laopo/bitching partner.
MUST MUST MUST meet them someday.
(: i love you all!!
i HEART clar!

cca registration!!
rocks man.
today totally rocks.
went to school at like 6.30.
then collected registers for sec fours.
and i just found out tt ms low actually knows me!
anw, helped her to carry her bag.
then later ms fuzzie.
then tammy found me!
and gave me the arrangements and stuff.
so i went ard switching off all the lights for the sec four classes and chased them down.
lined them up.
gave out registers.
shushed them.
then collected registers.
and went to sec ones.
helped tammy collect the cards and stands.
went to general office to do the stuff.
all these and i haven't finished my jian bao.
and i still have meetings during recess.
so didn't manage to finish my jian bao except for one.
okay then had ss.
and ms low was my teacher.
the first person she called to ans the qn was ME!
okay so i was like practically like reading fm the book and summarising.
okay then after lessons ended.
yanhan looked for me.
and we rushed to canteen.
grabbed a bite.
and went to forum.
got the tables.
and arranged them and prepared for the sec ones to come sign up.
okay today there was like so few la!
cuz why?
they can register online.
so loads of ppl won't be getting their scripts for auditions.
anw, gen went to re-borrow the yellow drum for mr fu!
and i was drumming like a psycho.
screamed like no one's business and cheered like mad.
yes this is like the first time in history i've cheered like every single day for more than a week of my life.
so anw,
cheer cheer cheer.
haha then join with co and cldds.
and did joint cheer.
haha. then we realised.
that for the past 5 mins we'd been cheering for nothing.
cuz all the sec ones already left!
so we went to drum for netball for them to cheer.
and then did joint cheer with swim and gym.
and then cheered for npcc.
then mits.
then decided to cheer for co cuz they lent us the drumsticks.
and i learnt how to play the co drum!
how cool man.
i rock.

one faith just ROCKS MAN!
the camp was great!
we started off with the games.
and our EGG was good k.
they did such a fine job.
just tt the stupid teachers came up with this dumb rule that the egg had to land on the green patch.
although it landed less than 3cm outside the green patch,
our egg parachuted down SO nicely k.
i love one faith.
okay then they came up with their own skit.
which was so darn cute!
haha. yes.
they did it all by themselves.
and for the outdoor games,
we won like 4 games outta five!
you should have seen the class spirit.
though dawn was injured.
and liuyi was not feeling well.
they did good!
the only down part of the camp was the rain tt came down right after miss choo thanked god for not letting it rain on us.
how ridiculous.
so there wasn't any campfire.
and we went to the forum.
onefaith rocked the crowd with their cheer!

with faith! i breathe!
with faith! i live!
with faith! i believe!
one faith.. shakalakalaka BOOM!
one faith.. shakalakalaka BOOM!
i've got faith in my heart!
i've got faith in my heart!
i've got faith in my heart,
and in my soul! (IN MAH SOUL!)
i've got faith in my heart!
i've got faith in my heart!
i've got faith in my heart,
and in my soul! (IN MAH SOUL!)

haha. YES!
it rocks.
and during the entire thing,
huiying, charissa and i were like crapping like MAD.
omg it was really madness k.
then we were trying to sing the wayang charissa was trying to teach us.
and then the two of them did this dumb "VAOOO" thing to me.
haha. YES!
and then the counsellors decided to do a special item!
how impromptu.
and we had a secret meeting together behind the stairs.
basically charissa led me and ying in a chicken walk at the top of the forum before tt.
haha was laughing like crazy.
okay then i suggested doing tt.
but they scrapped the idea la.
too spas.
and so, we did the HOKEY POKEY!
damn funny.
and we purposely exaggerated the actions and made it slow.
and when we got to the BUTT part,
we shook our butts till MAD.
and the crowd cheered and cheered.
then i had to rush up to pour milo into cups to serve the kids.
i was making milo tarik!
cuz basically there was this PAIL of milo.
and we had to scoop them out and pour them into the cups.
haha okay not just one pail.
MANY MANY pails.
then got the news tt one faith won best flag and best cheer!!
and they got second best for games!
then after the supper,
where they had to make tangyuans.
and eat.
and CHEER!
and since stupid tammy and gen couldn't tell which class was the loudest.
they told them to find three pairs of socks and 6 yellow ribbons counsellors had.
and the fastest class would win.
but faith was quite good.
they got all except one pair of socks.
considering everyone was wearing slippers and only parents had socks on.
and five ppl volunteered immediately when i asked them for cleanup!
so nice man.
then later they went back to class to clear up and get their stuff for sleeping.
and we assembled them in class and brought them to the com lab.
and before we left,
we said goodnight to them.
and they said goodnight!!!!!!!
they're just very cute la.
okay then the counsellors went to bathe.
it was like midnight.
cuz we didn't get to bathe even after the water games!
imagine that.
and to think i was all wet cuz they poured water on me.
and during the games they were very cute.
cuz they dropped the piece of tofu.
they decided to bury it.
then everyone crowded round.
one mins silence.
and we prayed for the departure of the tofu.
and we all said "tofu, rest in peace."
and "tofu, we love you."
okay then we went to bathe.
and gen took a super long time.
yanhan and gen joined us in our warm fuzzies letter writing to the sec ones in our class.
and we wrote till VERY late.
and actually we were supposed to sleep in the 2c and 2d aircon classrooms.
but we were in the classrooms till like 4.30?
so we decided to camp over in onefaith.
ate loadsa tidbits and everything while writing the letters.
then super thirsty.
lack of water.
so they went to sleep at like 4.
and i stayed up to make stars.
well i made till like 4.30 and couldn't take it anymore.
so went to sleep.
was freezing cold man.
amanda slept on the tables!
and ying didn't have sleeping bag.
and we got up at like 5!
then slacked in our sleeping bags till 5.30 and woke up to wash up.
then went to com lab and did a cheer to wake the class up.
my legs were like wobbly k.
okay then the next day was cca fair la.
not much.
was kinda tired and depressed.
UNTIL onefaith appeared.
my mood was lifted.
i didn't talk to any seniors who came back though.
no mood.
then left with my class.
and at the art room.
gen went to try out the pottery.
then mr fu the expert took over.
and he was darn good man.
and after everything.
they went to assemble at the hall and it was goodbye.
so sad.
i was tearing when they said "thank you counsellors"
then had a meeting with seth tan.
was damn funny.
and we had to hold hands in a circle and thank the ppl next to you.
i ended up with holding his and gen's hands.
and he was like "thankyou.. thankyou.. thankyou"
so funny la.
then gen was holding ms low's hands too.
was like so contrasting.
okay. anw, the day ended and gen, yanhan and i went to macs for lunch.
so next week there's cca registration,
cca auditions,
and parents meeting,
which sadly i'm in charge of getting the sec 4 monitors to do ushering.
and i have WUSHU!
and it clashes again.

i love onefaith!

heartache + headache
whoa whoa.
seem to get that like everyday now.
everyone's stressed.
everyone's tired.
lack of sleep.
our heads are all pounding.
today's the camp.
can u believe i even dreamt of the sec ones?!
this is like madness.
hope everything for camp will go smoothly.
and my headaches will go away.

i wish my prince will come and take me away, ease my pain. but it is not to be.

a cycle feeding on itself.
on the very first day of school,
sth happened.
and i lost it again.
once again.
it always happens just as my grip is tightening.
and then i'll have to learn to let go once again.
and this is not the first.
it is but a cycle that feeds on itself.
i love, i get hurt, i forget.
and i fall for it once again.
so, well, had to go to school.
carry out morning duties,
pretend nothing had happened.
but inside it was hurting a hell lot.
and had to go for my counselling class.
and psyche them up for the coming activities.
be hyper and enthu and get them to be really spontaneous.
was tiring.
and after school, exco meeting with ms low.
i was like stoning during it.
so unfocused.
i dunno what's going on.
meeting ended at 4.30
great. and my third lang was supposed to begin at 4.30
so, got the neccessary signatures on my form.
and went to bishan.
haha.. on the way, at the mrt, lirong and this bunch of seniors who graduated to jc, not to mention whom i dunno.
just started saying hi to me.
and telling me to treasure my life in st nics.
so cute.
okay, so i went to the third lang centre,
handed up the form.
and left the class.
never gonna step back there.
what a depressing first day of school huh.
then stayed in the canteen, finished some work.
and went to j8 to wait for someone.
waited for an hour or so,
and was really running quite late.
finally came and got the stuff from me and,
yea, that was it.
and so i left.

and on the second day at school,
trying soo hard to forget everything.
i dunno.
the counsellors were going here and there.
with our level, and with our counselling classes.
and as we walked,
ying, mandy, amelia, tammy, sometimes gen and i
were singing and singing like mad.
and kept laughing and laughing.
okay maybe the laughing part was only by me..
the rest were singing.
i think i was going mad.
cuz deep inside.
i was aching.
okay. shall not continue abt that.
our one faith is so dead!
i'm quite disappointed u know.
cuz for them.
all four counsellors are like so spontaneous
and they don't even put in the effort to cheer properly.
the four of us can easily cheer louder than them!
it's really quite disappointing la.
and it's like.
today, they had the cca talent discovery thing
and they always take so long just to get into rows and even to walk.
sad k.
i cheered so loudly and danced ard like mad
almost losing my voice
and it still doesn't help.
i hope this will get better as the week goes on man.
then it's like.
the camp stuff.
i dunno what's going on cuz i'm not supposedly in the comm.
then the jps started asking me qns.
and i had to tell them what to do on the spot.
and now i'm supposed to find monitors to do ushering on friday and sat.
mel's in need of help.
but the problem is tt,
there are some who are counsellors, some in npcc.
and they can't help us.
so we're left with few.
and we've only got 9 non-counsellor prefects.
AND all junior prefects are to help with the games.
so THEY can't do ushering too.
this is so problematic.
i'm seriously tired.
and it feels like more than a week has flown past.
but i kinda feel better being busy than having nothing to do
i guess.

don't inflict anymore pain upon me.

all i want for christmas..
merry xmas everyone!
yest was our last day at work.
although stuff still screwed up.
it was fun.
i'm missing everyone so much now.
miss all the ppl from the hotel!
especially my work partners and venus!
was so sad thinking abt it last night.
i almost cried in bed.
then thinking abt the life i've gotta get back to.
made it even sadder.
so much undone homework.
plus o's next year.
my life's so sad.....
i miss working!
seriously sooo much!
so many ppl i didn't get to say bye to.
so many familiar faces i won't get to see again.
why's life always like that man.
it's forever so sad for goodbyes.
but nothing can be done.
i'm hoping all of u out there have a wacky xmas.
and don't be like me.

i love fullerton!!
-goes crazy.
work is SO fun.
especially with angie, jay and timon!!
they are ALL perverts k
and timon's catching up so fast with them.
venus is sooo nice.
and there's alot of scandalous issues during work!
especially during deliveries.
the scandalous issues don't include me wOrX.
so dun worry!
laogong lUbEs you mAnY MaNy tooX!
i'm so sorry that was deliberate.
i'm so gonna die cuz i haven't read hong lou meng,
i haven't done all my chinese project works.
i haven't done my 6 revision exercises for maths.
i haven't studied for chem test.
but i've got MONEHHH!!!!
so i'm super hyper today.
tt's quite a good thing right???
just hope it doesn't die down.
delivery drivers ROCK!
especially uncle li.
william sucks.
he's a chee ko peh!
yea man.
well.. tt's all for updating! Ezhele Hezdege. (:

*no inkling.
you all have no idea how it feels like.
it sucks shit!!!
life seriously sucks shit.
i've lost everyone.
i don't feel like i know u guys anymore.
especially after camp.
i don't even talk to my snowman anymore.
i don't even talk to nic anymore.
i don't make much of an effort to help ernie.
cuz i've no idea where to go from here.
people are ignoring me.
work so sucks at times,
i feel so frustrated and irritated i feel like breaking down.
i can't make it for meetings.
i can't go for sec one registration.
i wanna quit jap.
i haven't bought my school books.
i haven't done any of my homework.
not to mention revision.
i haven't gotten the person i wanted.
and the person doesn't know.
and i don't ever intend to inform him about it.
i think.
life so sucks shit.
i don't think i know anyone anymore.
it's not like it used to be.
the memories,
the laughter,
the understanding we had.
all gone.
just like that.
a snap of the fingers.
a blink of an eye.
the tick of a clock.
it once happened,
now gone.
i don't talk to clem on the phone anymore.
no one really talks to me online anymore.
only those crap people who add me on friendster.
whom i'm not interested to entertain.
people just use me.
they pass me by.
they pretend they're a friend.
but then,
they just leave.
and suddenly you no longer exist. someday,
i'll be gone.

`it hurts.
Nothing hurts more than realising he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him.

ezhele hezdege
the first time i saw you i knew it was true. that i'd love you forever and that's what i'll do. you don't know what you do to me, you don't have a clue. you don't know what it's like to be me looking at you

; o u t w a r d b o u n d
i'm BACK!
and it was such a G R E A T experience!
i shall now describe EVERYTHING that happened in detail!

D A Y O N E .
got up feeling all pumped up!
haha.. mum kept rushing everyone.
cuz she wanted us to have breakfast before i left.
in the end, not much time left.
so we ended up having kaya toast at the coffee shop.
dad drove me all the way to punggol jetty.
and he almost took a wrong turn!
but i got there slightly earlier than expected.
and i thought i was early!
that is, until i saw the st nics girls walking to the back of the queue.
so i joined them and my parents left.
then this instructor started shouting at us all to get into rows.
anw, we waited and blahblah.
and finally we got onto the ferry!
which ferried only like 10 of us.
we went past campsite 1!
and on to campsite 2!
tt was the place where we went to for service learning!
memories flooded back.
i never thought i would return to that place again!
anw, we went to the assembly hall to wait for everyone to arrive.
in the meanwhile, we were sorted into our groups.
same grp as debbie, ada, jennyline, yimei, natalie and emily.
then were like stoning there and observing the rest of the ppl.
and were making dumb comments about everything and stuff.
there was a girl who wore racerback k!
we were like wth...
talk about attention-seeking.
then this guy in the next grp talked to me.
was asking what school i was from.
i told him st nics and he returned to talking to his friends.
so i got back to stoning.
ada thought he was cute.
said he looked mixed.
okay la.
then he turned back and asked me my name again.
haha.. so i told him and asked him his.
but didn't think he caught that.
so he returned to talking.
that was the last i saw of him!
i never saw him again throughout the camp or at the end of it all!
k then when everyone was there,
we got into our groups.
LIVINGSTON!! or issit livingstone. had some self-intro and surrendered all our stuff and settled all the logistics.
after that, we took a GROUP PHOTO!
then got back to settling everything.
i guess the first day was more of settling everything la..
then we had an activity called trust fall!!
was kinda freaky for me la.
didn't really do very very well.
hah. and we had to set up our tents after that.
we were so "LUCKY".
cuz our group was sleeping in this TOTALLY forested area.
which was SUPER HIGH UP.
and we had to climb all the way up.
and it was so dark in the afternoon already!
so after pitching our tents,
we got down to cooking dinner by the beach.
RICE. which took SUPER LONG to cook.
but was okay i guess.
kinda yummy!
then after washing up, went to bathe.
and packed up and was going up to our tents as a group.
and after walking two long flights of stairs and not very reaching our destination YET.
i tripped and my slippers broke.
dragged raj and hanaffie down with me and ada.
and hobbled all the way down.
grabbed my sandals.
and made our way back up again.
then it was soooo dark we couldn't see!
and our torches were like so faulty!
i almost tripped like twice on the jungle track.
stumbled into the tent we were sharing with jenny, debbie and yimei.
five ppl in a tent.
and rolling downhill towards my side.
ended up not having space to sleep at night.
so i slept SITTING.
my arse hurt!!
and i kept imagining that the tree in front of our tent had SOMETHING.
k nvm.
then i kept like hallucinating and imagining stuff!
and in the middle of the night heard music!
i was so freaked k.
thought i was hearing things.
but at 3 am the next morning, heard TECHNO.
yea, serene says it's from the kelongs.

D A Y T W O .
woke up super early and trudged down to the toilet with da to wash up.
and we realised tt our campsite was like so away fm civilisation!
meaning the other grps fm other campsites were already so awake and ON!
and they were already unpitching and stuff.
so okay,
we washed up and trudged back up to wake the rest.
unpitched and went to wait ard.
and we had ROCKCLIMBING!!
but i waited for a seriously long time before i got my turn man.
but i got right to the top!!!
the sense of satisfaction was SO GREAT!
haha. then i went down.
going down was so fun.
yes okay.
after the rockclimbing,
we went to take a bath, had lunch and packed all our stuff for the EXPEDITION.
cook was our buddy watch and we had two other watches, namely, nila utama and batuta in our ex.
then we were given basic instructions on how to kayak.
and we went to try it in the sea after it stopped raining.
then we had to learn to steer, turn, and do the capsize drill.
and soon after, we kayaked to our next campsite!
which was, i think a few shores away.
as our watch was the first to arrive, we docked our kayaks and helped the other watches.
but they were so unappreciative it quite got on our nerves.
then we unloaded all our backpacks by forming a human chain.
and yada yada.
tried to help some people with the jerry cans but they REFUSED.
haha ohwell.
then we had to cook dinner,
and my watch and the stupid sweeper's watch were fighting over the space to pitch tents.
but in the end, the space was taken away.
how silly.
and there wasn't any toilets over at that campsite.
so if we wanted to shit,
we had to dig a hole in the ground and shit in.
but i didn't.

* dellusion deception and depression
i hate the way my friends talk abt what ppl blog.
cuz i feel that we all have a right to blog what we want.
i don't care if u're my good friend or not.
or if my blogging of depressing stuff makes u feel like it's a "cry for attention"
if u don't like it.
then go away.
after all this is my blog.
and it's for me to vent my anger and frustrations.
that i happen to KEEP IN.
which is why u see me as a happy person in school and stuff.

so that's over with.
i feel that we all are deluded.
in some way or another.
or we tend to talk like we're some humble shit person who doesn't boast about themselves.
yes we do.
and u can't deny that u've never ever done that before.
because i'm quite sure that at some point of your life.
this DOES occur.
and i feel that my best friend is deluded.
he thinks he's a nothing.
but he's obviously a something.
everyone's a something.
and that's god's purpose in having us here.
and i find that if all of us were like him,
we'd all be depressed and miserable all our lives.
give and give with your heart, and sometimes not expecting things in return actually makes you a happier person.
that's what i've learnt in my secondary life.
don't always expect to get recognition for the things u do.
but instead.
enjoy the sweet returns of seeing your hard work pay off and others enjoying themselves.
feeling happy for others will make urself feel happy.
and selfishness and bitterness can only cause you to be an unhappy person.
i'm not trying to be a hypocrite here.
so i won't say i'm like this most of the times.
i'm also human.
i too have mood swings.
and i think it's getting worse.
i hope i'll be able to curb my temper and treat ppl better.
especially my family members.
try to put yourself in others shoes.
and feel for them.
compassion is the word.
but then again.
don't be afraid of what people think of YOU.
be who you are.
dare to dream.
no dream is too big for anyone of us.
as long as we set out to try to achieve it.
no matter how impossible it seems.
as long as we have given out best and tried.
and as long as we don't keep putting ourselves down.
in hoping that my best friend reads this.
i'd like to say that.
low-self esteem,
and the fear of failing,
and all i mentioned above
are actually causes of depression.
and this ought to stop.
because i believe that no matter how bad our lives are.
there always is someone out there worse off than us.
and maybe i should tell myself that too when i feel that life sucks.

now for another friend.
stop cutting yourself k?
it's seriously not worth it.
some reasons for cutting are because:
u'd like to get his attention.
you feel that you have no control over your life and u want to feel that you have control over your body.
you think that u're numbed and void of feelings and thus is trying to FEEL the pain inflicted on yourself.
it's not fun.
it's not amusing.
and it's causing us to worry.
and u could lose your life.
god gave u a purpose in this life.
and i hope that u cherish it.
i'm not preaching about how great god is.
cuz firstly i'm a free-thinker.
but i believe that.
if there were no reason for us to be here,
we'd not be born into this world.
the world is full of hate, betrayal, hurt, and many other things.
but think again.
and u'd know that it's also full of love, compassion, forgiveness, etc.
life is meant to be lived to the fullest.
being who we are, we're bound to make someone's life better.
u know not when though.
maybe u feel that u're causing everyone to be unhappy now.
but who knows?
u might just find someone who truly loves you so deeply and that the non-existance of yourself would just simply cause the person to be at a loss.
so just leave it up to fate.
something WILL happen.
and it's just a matter of time.
for now,
live your life as a happy teen with happy memories.
why dwell on a person who has hurt you so much?
if he has caused u so much anguish and inflicted so much pain onto you,
surely he doesn't deserve your love and attention?
why then?
why cut for his sake.
he might not even know.
concentrate on your studies now.
make it big in future.
get a good mate.
and then u'll show it to him girl.
i just hope that all my efforts in saying all these will not go to waste.
and i hope that you'll stop hurting yourself.

-screams out loud-
yest went to orchard with jas.
walked ard in heels.
and it RAINED!
rahh.. was quite a terrible day actually.
then went to meet nic and yang.
and zhihao and vic were there too.
but they all left.
so poor nic was left to follow us.
and made to carry jas' stuff.
the metrosexual guy.
anw, we went to cine for lunch at ljs.
and after lunch, our two very wonderful people raised the idea of going to the toilet.
so i went too.
and after that, went to look for angie to try help her sell some tickets too.
upon reaching somerset mrt,
i left my WALLET in the LAST CUBICLE of the TOILET in CINE
i lost it.
in the toilet.
ran all the way back in my heels.
almost fell.
went to the toilet.
not there.
couldn't find information counter.
was about to give up.
decided to ask stall vendors if there was info counter.
SAW security guard.
asked him.
recovered my wallet.
my IC was inside!!
sososo happy.
but the money was gone though.
think it was taken by some other person.
thank lord i recovered everything else.
i prayed to god.
and he answered my prayers.
and thank the people who returned it.
may god bless them.
one of them was actually an ex-stnix girl.
then after that went to the guanyin temple to thank the gods.
and tried helping angie to sell.
okay. to clear the misconception, i'm actually a free-thinker.
but i believe in guanyin and Him.
well at least i RESPECT others gods.
unlike SOMEONE.
forget it.
so pissed with that person.
unreasonable AND rude.
what an interesting day i had right?!

and today, went to school.
supposed to meet angie to go for the interview at DANO
but angie called to say that her mum says that we might be able to land ourselves a job at her place.
so we travelled all the way to raffles place and found out way to The Fullerton Hotel
so cool ya?
got the job as a decorater of this gift shop and as gift wrapper.
the pay's okay i guess.
and flexible hours.
not bad.
after getting the job, faizal said that i could probably work at LEVIS!
skipped the dano interview, but LEVIS!
i wanna work there man!
maybe next year.
not very good to change your mind just like that right?
especially after giving your word to a HOTEL.
and i asked christopher to help me check out sth too!!!
what if there's good news???
i'd be floored.
hopefully i'd be able to cope.

well, god bless all of u out there.
enjoy your hols.
and well, god bless me too!

kapish kapoo
i took photos today!
and since i've found out how to put my photos on my blog,
i've decided to make it more visual than textual.
am i making sense?
not too sure.
today i went back for four hours of maths lesson.
how boring can my life get huh?
i realised that IF i pay attention to clement tan,
i can actually do my maths WELL!
how cool is that.
i think i should pay alot alot of attention when school reopens.
so okay.
after maths, had ld exco meeting.
with the teachers.
and miss heng treated us to pizza!
she actually ordered SIX!
but i only ate a slice la.
the meeting went quite well i guess.
miss heng's quite nice laa..
pls ppl.
don't be so mean to her.
bet u guys are all rolling your eyes now.
the passage by theodore roosevelt was actually thought-evoking.
it managed to evoke lotsa past memories in me.
and ya,
felt quite depressed after tt.
but okay.
i took photos!!!!!

[okay i realised the photos can't be seen, so pls click on the links on the right ---->
it's under ld exco. (:]

now i have more new pics!
haha.. of my NOTEBOOKS!
notebooks that colour my life! woo!
actually i have so much to blog.
but i'm not able to "transfer" my thoughts into words.
so ya..
shall blog another day about all i'm thinking of perhaps.

[ WAHH all can't be seen!! rahh.. click on the extras link on the right ----->]
that's all for today!
i wish the world weren't full of cheats and liars.

` a g o n y .
was an okay day.
but i wasn't okay.
was feeling blue.
matrices rocked.
my eraser almost died at ying's hands.
pissed at the way she treated my precious orange eraser!
went to get the banner after tt.
and then went to the lower concourse to take some ex-connexios and inspirations.
those books are of such value.
yet not to be treasured.
i found a brochure for yellow suitcase, red spittoon.
and believe me i was happy.
but all good things leave my hands.
gen took it fm me and asked me to get another one for myself.
i wanted it badly.
i loved her as much.
so i let her take it from me.
going back there in search of another one.
there was none to be found.
memories are so precious to me.
believe me,
i kept all my ticket stubs of the plays and concerts i went to.
i kept all my scripts.
and the photographs i took in the past are especially dear to me.
i don't know.
i just feel to frustrated.
every little thing seems to just affect me.

maybe isabella's right.
i'm just not doing things the right way.
that's why i'm always so busy.
but as the person who always is in search of perfection.
in other words, a perfectionist.
i tend to want to get down to doing things myself.
because i know i can do it.
and maybe also because i feel that i can't really trust ppl anymore.
pls don't talk to me abt this.
because i've been keeping it in.
and blogging this is already making it so public.

these few weeks,
i've been reflecting on my past year.
and i'm reminded of so much.
so much i've achieved.
so much i've failed.
i realised tt now,
i don't really have much feelings towards guys anymore.
maybe just as friends.
good friends.
nothing more.
i don't know why.
maybe i've been hurt.
but i'm still thinking of him.
but what's yours is meant to be.
and what's not will not be.
i really have to thank my best friend!
for being there to cheer me up.
he's probably all i trust now.
i guess so.

good luck snowman for tmr! i know u can do it!

everchanging changes.
at this point of time.
i feel so.. confused.
i'm confused with my own thoughts.
so much feelings are evoked within me.
so much so that i don't know what i'm feeling.
in other words.
election results came out on the last day of school.
i didn't really feel nervous or anything.
maybe just a little excited.
anw, i'm lucky tt i got the post of vice head i guess.
and i'd like to thank all my supporters and those who believed in me.
i'd also like to give credit to ada and jen.
for helping me with soso much.
and to the exco members.
u guys did great!
let's continue to rock the school together ya?
haha can't believe i cried for bella and tammy.
i was seriously so happy for them.
don't ask why.
it's personal.
but i'm truly happy.
took a few pics tt day..
haha.. here are some..

tammy before it.

tammy on the left, gen on the right, sinyao hiding behind with her fingers stuck out. (:

cherie, annabel and me!

debbie, yanhan and gen.

jen and i.

EX-exco. haha.

hmmm.. for more pics, check out my link --->

yupp.. so much stuff has happened.
and yesterday the results for syf came out.
i really didn't expect to get in.
cuz i dunno.
didn't feel i did my best for my auditions.
thought i sucked.
so well, when my name was read.
i was kinda shocked.
i was like.. emotionless.
and then when it finally sank in,
i felt so.. weird.
cuz i felt happy yet lost at the same time.
because i knew there'd be some problems.
tt some ppl won't get in after all.
and i felt lost cuz i want my good friends to be in too.
cuz i know how it feels like to be disappointed.
to feel inferior.
but now i'm also kinda feeling inferior in the syf group.
cuz most of them were in syf 2003.
and this is like even before rehearsals have started.
but i'll do my best.
for ld.
for myself.
i'll give it my best shot.


confused. my mind is in a whirl. derailed train of thoughts. the mind is filled with complexity. complications arise due to miscommunication. my poor stomach contracts as i try my best to subtract. squelch. that's my brain trying to squeeze info in as i revise. blearghh. that's my brain trying it's best to vomit out the info it absorbed, to no avail. the way our society is shaped results in bulimic minds. tortured, pressured, stressed, expanding, contracting, squishh. penny for your thoughts? well, how about a goldbar instead? brainfood. nourishing. yumyum.

now it's over. can't forget what you said. and i'm never gonna do this again. heartbreaker. sometimes you're hot, sometimes i'm cold, sometimes my head wants to explode. sometimes we talk about it, and we figure it out. but then you just change your mind. i miss you, miss you. breaking the habit tonight. i don't know what's worth fighting for and why i have to SCREAM! the reason is you.

deflated and drowning
it's been like centuries since i blogged.
didn't do very well for my results.
especially maths.
i'm very disappointed with myself.
guess i'm over with that.

campaigning was tough.
and stressful.
not to mention the number of supporters i have.
i mean..
just look at tammy k.
that woman's got a crowd behind her!
anw, still gotta thank ada and jen for everything.
and all my juniors for their help.
my speech kinda screwed up.
okay, maybe not kinda.
but the entire front part did.
but ohwell, it's over!
the q and a was dumb.
i think i did bad.
especially about the respect part on my ans.
but seriously, thinking back,
i would have given that as my ans again
cuz i seriously don't see the point in making changes to the uniform when others have obviously tried and failed.
forget about that.
the prefects are all so stressed.
guess i don't feel much of it cuz i don't expect much out of this anyway.
ya well.
thanks to those who support the snowflake anw.

i dunno.
my week just kinda sucked.
and i'm so tired and drained of energy.
and all i wanna do is just sleep!
went for wushu on friday and after changing,
i left my phone in the cubicle!
five mins later..
man oh man.
how unlucky can i get.
something's always bound to happen at wushu on fridays.

there's auditions next tues.
and we're supposed to look for our own monologue
and be prepared for impromptu.
i hope i get into syf!
but not much hope..
it's my only chance next year.
and o's are in like.. what..
less than 9 days??
and i haven't studied!
-slaps myself.
wake up jasmine!!
okay.. i shall seriously study real hard.
why the hell is my life so screwed??
just had another clash with my mum again.
why is this always happening man?!
i don't get it.

i don't get my screwed life.

`broken egg shell
my life seems so polished and perfect on the surface. just like an ostrich egg. everything is perfect. no cracks, no blemishes. but under that exterior, it's all gooey muck. everything's crumbling down on me. the shell which seems to protect the egg from harm actually breaks down into pieces easily. and like the shell, my life's about to crumble into pieces.

welcome to my life.
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just donít belong
And no one understands you

Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you donít know what itís like
When nothing feels alright
You donít know what itís like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When youíre down
To feel like youíve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no oneís there to save you
No you donít know what itís like

Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
But deep inside youíre bleeding

No you donít know what itís like
When nothing feels alright
You donít know what itís like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When youíre down
To feel like youíve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no oneís there to save you
No you donít know what itís like

Welcome to my life

No one ever lies straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think Iím happy
But Iím not gonna be ok

Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You donít know what itís like
What itís like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When youíre down
To feel like youíve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no oneís there to save you
No you donít know what itís like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When youíre down
To feel like youíve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no oneís there to save you
No you donít know what itís like

Welcome to my life

Welcome to my life

Welcome to my life

i went swimming!!!!
and i picked some shells on the beach!
and i'm gonna give it to nic!
ahhahaa.. dunno what's up with all the crap staring la..
STOP STARING at me ppl!!!
i know i'm weird!
no need to stare!!
okay anw..
i swam the whole afternoon.
and the cute lifeguard FINALLY talked to me..
after going there for like months.
i think he purposely didn't wanna talk to us k.
cuz everytime he'd purposely talk to some other ppl.
but never to us!
but ohwell.
cuz i brought my phone by the poolside and was smsing nic.
then the first time he walked past.
not saying anything.
but the second time he walked past.
he couldn't resist by saying..
"later ur phone spoil".
then i said.. won't la..
and he said might cuz of the sunlight.
and i didn't say anything
so he asked if it was waterproof.
and i said no! (duh no)
and he said oh. there's this waterproof kind now.
so i was like.. oh.
and he stood there.
and he looked at my sis and asked.
if that ur sis?
and i said yes.
and he coninued standing there.
so i just turned around.
and he lingered for awhile then left for his seat.
what a lame conversation right?!
then later i was swimming he tried to drown me!
cuz when i swam past him, he talked to me!
so i was like..
okay haha..
i'm gonna learn windsurfing with nic!!
i have muscles!!!!!
but i'm a girl!

this holiday...
i must go out with:
[not in order prior to anything]
*snowman [owe me dinner?]
*clem [crayfish and sushi and shopping!]
*nic [owe me movie!]
*eugene [owe me lunch!]
*clarr [squishypoo!]

humans are superficial beings. why does one have to bother about the physical appearance of their other half? simple. because humans are superficial. they want others to envy them and thus feel on top of the world for getting such a cute guy/girl. but that isn't really the basis of how a relationship works, is it? and that is why most of such don't last long. it ends in a flash, leaving us to wonder if it really ever happened. believe me, everyone is like that. even me, and i don't deny it. it's just sad how we don't bother to search deep within for that something special. i wish people would accept people for who they are. not what they look like. and it's sad that sometimes, i behave in that manner too.

i've decided not to care too much about other's views of me. and why should i? considering i don't owe them my life. which is what caused me to be stared at by two guys on the train the other day. just because i was smiling and waving to this cute baby who blushes when i do that. why should people care about what i do? as long as i like it. i just couldn't resist the temptation see? the baby was so cute. (:

` for granted
i want a best friend!!!!
it's the exams period now.
and i'm so drained.
it's like, i'm always so moody before and after each paper.
and i have so much stuff bottled up inside,
with no one to talk to.
sometimes, i really wonder what i'm feeling deep down inside.
i don't know!!
i wanna scream!!
i wanna cry!!
i want exams to be over!!
i want good results!!
who cares?
no one.
my good intentions are often not appreciated.
and i'm not trying to refer to anything.
feel so.
maybe i should have some goals set for after exams.
that might take my mind off everything.

after exams:
- find sponsor for campaigning.
- guitar lessons.
- golf lessons.
- windsurfing course at cbc.
- join volleyball.
- jog at least 10 round a week.
- towning.
- enjoy life.
- study for chinese o's.

i really have so much to blog abt.
the past few weeks have had SO many ups and downs.
but i really can't be bothered.
i'm too tired.
and my vision just blacked out a min ago when i stood up.
what's wrong?!
i dunno.
i guess those memories will just fade away.
and be lost and gone forever.

this is especially dedicated to my snowman!
i miss you soso much!!
take care loads k!!
the snowflake will be waiting for u to be free to play again!!

today was a reely fun day!
oh ya!
tam and i did family dance on the specs stand
and she was like gushing over imran again lorrs.
what else.
then today.
physics was the limit!
haha.. oh ya!
gan made me and huiying promise to help him act out sth for his part tmr for the sex education.
and it's damn lame!
huiying has to tell me, "i love you"
then during physics today.
gan was writing on the board.
and after he was done,
he said.
"my handwriting is so nice. nicer than any of urs"
then sonya said: "mr gan, if ur ego were to get any bigger, u wouldn't be able to walk out of the door."
and gan still said: "it's true! i have nice handwriting!"
self denial mans.
then i happened to pull out a strand of my nice beautiful hair by accident.
and was talking to cheryl.
and she said she was gonna stalk me!
so i could only retaliate.
and i threatened to make her eat THE HAIR if she did!
then i started using it to tickle her and stroke her arm.
and the hair game began!
she kept trying to snatch it out of my hands.
but to no avail..
then after school,
cabbed with huiying to j8 after her voice practical to meet nic and darren.
although nic was supposed to gimme a treat to lunch, i ended up paying myself la.
no one will ever succeed in treating me.
except kor.
then.. darren and nic wanted to go buy whipped cream fm ntuc to eat!
lucky there wasn't any stock.
and they considered detergent.
they didn't believe there wasn't stock.
and proceeded to ask three of the employees there.
one of which who mistook their whipped cream for hair spray.
then we went to yoshi to eat.
and i gave them their presents!!
then there was this group of girls behind them laughing really loudy.
probably to attract attention.
darren got quite irritated.
and so he told nic to laugh too.
and they started laughing like mad.
he even commented darn loudly to his friend at the next table tt the girls sounded like hyenas.
and the girls were like staring daggers at us.
even when they left.
so okay,
we left when we were done.
passed by pasta mania,
chs guys make loads of noise.
and the security guard came to tell them off.
then we went to take neoprints.
and we passed by two of the girls who were laughing loudly!
and they were still staring at us.
so we just went into the neoprint shop.
and i tried to check out one of the machines.
and i looked.. and suddenly turned to my left to see this girl(one of those laughing) staring at my nametag!!
she was staring real intensely.
and i was so freaked.
hurriedly walked away and said OMGOMG.
then we had a crap of a time taking neoprints!
then after everything had to go for third lang.
tt kinda sums up my day.
haha yupp!

okay now for some dedications:
to jasper WOW: HAHAHAHAHAH!! it's boring talking to u lor.. i'm always making all the noise.

to dennis: haha!! fusspot! yayy!! great to have made friends with you!! we'll go study next week!

to squishypoo clarr: wheeee!! study hard for exams!

hahaha.. thanks for the fun day and the straw!!!! hahaha!! jia you!!

to shuaige: hahahahaa.. hope u like ur "BUG"!! HAHA. whacked.

to cheryl: haha! let's laugh more and play the hair game!!! wheeee!!

to mandy: woots! great time together!! haha.. hopefully it cheered u up!

to yang and wei: take care loads and study hard!!!! ai ni men!

young people nowadays..
why do these "young people nowadays" want to find a girlfriend and boyfriend when they are so young? xiao xiao nian ji jiu yao pa tor. tsktsk.

these are the common remarks by many adults. and why? because teenagers now seek to find their other half at a tender age. sigh. this is a sad case. because this is probably the result of feeling lack of love. which is why they see the need to be reassured by the fact that they have a so-called "stead", whereby that person will be there whenever you're down and sad and depressed and need company of another person. besides that however, the "stead" is also there to share your enjoyable moments, your happiness and joy.
but more often than not, this so called "love" would soon wear off and both parties will soon get sick of one another. yes. not tired but sick. especially when bad habits and such are revealed. the freshness is no longer there after a while. it is like how we are often turned off by a stale, mouldy piece of bread, and yearn for the NEW burger which has just been launched at the nearby mcdonalds! yes. teenagers nowadays go for the novelty of things. and it is quite ridiculous if u think about how one can fall in love just by being attracted by the "new-ness" of the likes and dislikes, interests and etc of a new friend made.
that is not to say, however, that ALL relationships come to a bitter end, with both parties never talking to one another ever again. if both are truly in love, i believe that the relationship would last. and tt is if both parties make an effort to upkeep it too. however, if the relationship DOES come to an end, one might find themselves losing another worthy friend if they had not gone into a relationship in the first place. don't ask me why. because i'm also confounded as to why couples can't remain as friends after a breakup. they either cease talking straight away, or start to drift apart and no longer talk. which is a very sad case considering the wonderful times they used to have even before the friendship blossomed into something more. something which should have been cherished, but lost.

10 reasons why i am NOT a bimbo.
1. firstly, i don't even qualify in the looks department.
2. no matter how dumb and spastic/corny/lame/cheesy i can get, i still have active brain cells which actually DO work. yes.[i know it sounds unbelievable]
3. i don't think bimbos would be much interested in wushu would they?!
4. bimbos would never love camps the way i do, cuz they'd be too afraid to break a nail or sth.
5. bimbos would not like little kids like me cuz they'd probably be too jealous of the cuteness these kids have.
6. although i am STUPID enough to work soo hard for soo many things without much rewards at the end of it all, bimbos would not even make an effort to even do these stuff.
7. bimbos are superficial. not me.
8. i am always there for everyone, whether they realise it or not[not too late to realise it now]. but bimbos only look for their friends when they need them.
9. bimbos most probably just dream, but i have aspirations and i work towards them.
10. i know i'm not a pretty girl and i don't deny it. but bimbos know they're pretty and even if they're not THAT pretty, they tend to think they are.


numbed by the pain and hurt hurled at me.
after yesterday, i finally saw through him
and saw his true colours.
thought i shouldn't really judge him cuz i dunno who him well enough.
but didn't expect him to go round changing ppl's impression of me.
and i actually realised tt he has disappointed me a few times through his "speech" on msn.
and i always just dismiss it and carry on talking to him the next time he comes online.
i never did realise it till now did i?
i never did anything wrong to him.
and i wonder why he went round saying such stuff.
now i know what someone meant by the "backstabbing" and "hypocrisy" of it all.
it's all so phony.
perhaps i shouldn't even have seen him as a friend in the first place.
anw, i'd like to tell that "someone" that he shouldn't learn fm him k!
don't be so superficial and judge ppl from the stuff other ppl say.
see for yourself.
feel for yourself.
and who knows,
through this u might gain better understanding,
and probably and even truer friend.
that's all i have to say about this.
no point harping on it.

my eyeball dream
i had a dream.
tt i was having a party.
at my house??
not too sure.
anw, i dreamt tt my contacts were super dry.
then i was trying to remove the left one.
omg. like seriously.
but it didn't hurt or anything.
[of course it didn't, it was a dream!]
hmm then.
i removed the contacts from the eyeball.
[i could still see with my left eye]
and there was this layer of greyish stuff on the pupil.
so i removed it and threw it into the bin.
and i was contemplating throwing the eyeball away
[cuz it was so disgusting]
and i did!
then i suddenly thought,
if i threw it away,
my left socket wouldn't have an eyeball anymore!
so i hurriedly retrieved it from the bin.
and washed it with tapwater.
then cuz my cousin thought i looked super disgusting without an eyeball in the left socket,
she took a scotchtape and taped my left eyelids together!!
then after a painful[i wonder how i knew it was painful] experience of removing the damn scotchtape stuck on my eyelids and peeling my eyelashes off at the same time,
i put my eyeball back in.
and i had perfect eyesight!!!
but unfortunately only for the left eye.
then i woke up.
this is so hilarious!!
must be my funniest dream ever!
hope it won't ever come true though.
have been having sleepless nights of late.
tossing and turning in bed.
and if i do sleep,
i get weird dreams like this.
guess it's just me and my weirdness.

holidays suck
yest went meet bella at the woodlands library.
studied some.
then asked the two girls at our table to help watch our stuff while we went to eat.
then met kaifong, xinpei!!
jialeng and cheryl.
went back to studying,
and when the two girls left,
got them two seats.
cuz there was SUPPOSED to be wushu later,
went to chongpang with bella.
to study at macs first before wushu.
and after we walked all the way there.
shixiong msged perrine to cancel it cuz he:
then i asked alvin down anw.
haha.. kinda pissed him off.
then he had to walk all the way home.
then later had to go to grandma's house.
cuz i didn't bring the house keys.
and was there gaming with my sis and uncle till late.
gonna meet bella at woodlands again tmr!
early morning!
hmm.. cuz i haven't been in touch with soo many ppl for soo long,
have talked to a few online instead.
miss all my friends!

girls rule
boys drool.
i think boys are nonsense.
boys are suckers.
especially those who are fickle.
bet kor's probably having some reaction
while reading this weird entry.
actually i'm feeling too bored now la.
oh nO!
i've actually wasted away four nice days!
should get down to studying.
i MUST study!
noo! dowan to go ah ma house.
stay home!
feeling so hyper!
feeling so madded!
i want my phone backkk!
mummy's so irritating..

teachers' day
firstly i'd like to wish all teachers a
okay.. i shall start my recount from yesterday.
hmm.. first thing in the morning..
went to give out registers with tammy.
all the imran thing again.
and then did family dance.
and she was emphasizing on how she had to do the MALAY dance properly cuz it's his culture.
then the rest of the day was BAD, BAD and BAD
got my ppr for this term.
and it really sucks so much i hate myself.
i hate myself for not working hard,
for not studying,
and for concentrating stuff which i do not gain much returns from.
the feeling just sucks.
cuz i know tt i can do it.
just tt i didn't even make a slight effort.
to try.
okay.. maybe i did.
a little.
for chinese.
but that's it.
then got back a maths test and physics paper.
sucked even more.
it was terrible.
i failed both.
i FEEL horrible.
but ohwell.
didn't even have the time to feel sad.
had to rush for pmb farewell right after lessons.
then had a little fun making popiahs for everyone.
and ended up only eating the little food nice bella got for me.
i wonder why i'm always doing stuff for others.
and not getting to enjoy like the rest.
hmm.. then had to rush down to the hall to have rehearsals.
stuff were so screwed.
badminton would only end at 6.30
AND the primary rehearsals would only at 5 the earliest.
so.. headed the monitors to blow balloons while the prefects rehearsed in the lower concourse.
and vice versa when the monitors rehearsed.
after tt we got to do a full rehearsal with everything.
had to stay back to do souvenirs and put up deco.
i headed the team of monitors at the hall..
and it was quite a job well done.
good job monitors!
then after tt..
had a burger,
returned to work.
the rest had to go to the dance studio to finish souvenirs.
and tammy and i were alone in the hall guarding their belongings.
and people came to get their stuff and left.
so in the end, left school at about 9+.
haha.. we were quite bored in the hall.
so were dancing to the music on perfect 10.
before we realised there was a cctv.
was beat.
then did my souvenirs too.
today wore invest u to school.
and had the celebrations.
all in all it was great[besides the technical errors]
felt like crying when it was over.
i felt good.
such an achievement.
but sad.
cuz it was over so soon.
then later had to stay back to do some mending to the unsatisfactory pillows.
and didn't go back for lessons.
and took down all the deco right after.
hmm.. then went back to class.
and clement tan insisted on having lessons.
so okay.
got off only at 2.
then went to look for wei.
cabbed together.
dropped her at northpoint to meet her friends,
and i cabbed all the way to nvps.
cuz i was in my invest u.
everyone kept staring at me k!
tried to get xiaodi to come but he didn't want! ahha..
then melissa was late.
so i decided to change first.
changed into teeshirt and shorts and flipflops,
but with the stockings!
felt weird.
only managed to catch mr de silva and ms ng.
and the whole time at nvps sucked.
cuz of the shit way they treated us.
i was SUPER pissed.
but when i stepped outta school.
saw jerome, ganesh and then hafiz.
they remembered me!
i can't believe it k
ganesh even remembered my FULL NAME.
alot of ppl i didn't expect to remember me remembered me!
even my primary one friends!
and weikang!
haha.. then i got all their nos.
now i'm so so tired.

feel soo dead.
have been having extreme mood swings of late.
one min i'm super high.
and the next,
i go DOWNNN.
dunno why!
feel so tired these days.
kor's having wushu now with perrine!
and the rest!
and i'm home cuz there's chinese test tmr!
shall go study right after this.
this weekend's gonna be so busy.
and so will next week.
teachers' day,
drama workshop,
all the jokes.
hopefully i won't have to go back to nvps in my invest u.
but i think i will have to.
so many ppl asked me to go out next week!!
and i want to!
but i think my parents are sick of me going out so often.
and i dunno who to go out with either!
and i have loads of stuff up.
vince said i look tired.
my mum says i have huge eyebags..
feel quite tired la..

breaking the habit*
it's been a long long time since i've blogged.
life has so many ups and downs
that even a day's lack of blogging can be the result of letting so much slip right past my fingers
things are no longer the same.
many changes have occured
and life's challenge
is probably how to learn to cope and accept these fast changes
i'm quite isolated now.
but kinda satisfied maybe
teachers' day coming soon
so i guess once again we'll be busy organising and preparing stuff
it's a hectic week ahead with the many tests coming up
but i think tt sitting with cheryl makes me wanna study.
cheryl so rocks.
not tt ying doesn't.
but ppl u're often too close to sometimes distract u from work right?
especially when u wanna have fun together.
i find that i've kind of ceased talking too much with many ppl.
maybe except gen and jen.
cuz i'm always working with gen.
and we always hang out together since it's become such a habit
and cuz i'm always confiding and updating jen.
i love da's brownie
too bad it wasn't for me
i hate not knowing what's going on at times.
i hate the way ppl treat me like a kid and not know what's going on
i hate the way people act like they do stuff but actually zuobo.
tt was quite random and came out of nowhere.
but ya i hate it when those stuff happen.
many people have come to a conclusion tt i'm popular in school.
even people outside school.
and it kinda freaks me out.
cuz it's like you don't even know when people are talking about you.
and i didn't know people even knew i existed until some ppl told me.
popularity can be good, can be bad.
but i think the bad truimphs over the good.
cuz it's like whatever u're doing is being watched by others
and u're like a caged animal being watched.
and people judge you on how u behave
and they discuss it.
and make comparisons.
i wish i knew the people who know me.
but i still don't know all.
well.. i guess tt's life.
i can just hope things will be well.

here are some funny things i remember ppl saying:

tak wai: [when she saw cow blowing into tammy's ears] my mum says that when you blow into a person's ears, it means u wanna have sex with them.
[afterwhich tammy and i started laughing till we teared and tammy tried to blow into tak wai's ears and tak wai kicked her. then she blew into mine and wanted to do it in class. crapps. haha]

shermin: [when jogging as a class during pe] i think my bowels have a brain of its own.
[haha.. cuz we were both complaining of always wanting to pee when jogging]

cheryl: [when her things are about to slip out of her hands] whoawhoa...
[haha.. it sounds damn funny and i think i'm the only one who actually laughs at it and make her laugh at herself. hee.]

it's all over.
well.. i realise now that
not everything that you do will be returned in full.
don't expect recognition for everything.
or perhaps even appreciation.
because when you give,
u give with all your heart.
and make sacrifices.
i guess that was the path we took.
and this was what we ended up with.
there were periods of melancholy
feelings of unwantedness
but i think it's over.
at least i hope so.
unbound was great
and it brought about loads of
closer bonds
new friendship
and happiness that probably cannot be experienced again
we have laughed
and cried.
i feel happy that some came to watch
and i truly appreciate it.
unbound has given me a chance
to know myself better
and to know others better
and in the process
i've made wonderful friends,
i.e, darrell and nicholas.
and i'd like to thank my snowman for having being there for me.
guiding me through those days,
giving me strength,
solidifying me.
i miss my xiaodi.
it's been such a long time.
i dunno what to say.
i passed my chinese tests.
and i'm happy.
i think i'm in mexco.
but i'm apprehensive.
i hate the way some people treat others.
but i dunno what to do about it.
i dunno..
my life's been busy lately.
first, elections
then farewell
then interviews after interview
and racial harmony celebration
service learning presentation
national day..
and there's teachers' day coming soon.
my whole life's about giving.
but i guess it's in me.
so i can't change the way it is.
someone's got to do something for the benefit of others.
i'd rather suffer and let everyone be happy
than to enjoy and let others die. *

sighh.. there's so much to be blogged about
so much has happened.
so much has changed.
so little time.
i wish.
i pray.
i hope.
i wish for you.
that you were here.
but it's never to be.
hopefully things will turn out well.

quite sick and tired of living..
though i'm still quite a happy person..
but abit stressed now..
i dunno what to say..
just feel that i probably shouldn't ever talk to *you again.
i dunno..
it's just wrong.
it was something wrong to begin with.
something not meant to be.
during ld yest,
miss jeya gave us a lecture.
she lectured the production people.
in front of everyone
including the sec ones.
it was so damn freaking humiliating.
and the sec ones were all smiles.
just cuz they got praised.
when she scolded us like shit.
felt like crying.
the moment she started speaking,
felt like something weighed down my insides.
felt so much like bursting out in tears.
which talia did.
i teared.
but decided that i shouldn't cry.
excused myself and yanhan during warmups and went to the toilet.
to stop the tears.
then later rehearsed.
sam and eva came back.
they looked kinda bored..
anw.. after that had wushu.
forgot to bring my belt.
so asked kor to bring.
but turned out he was late.
then yest i had to lead the junior white belt.
cuz i was the only intermediate white who's not taking grading tmr.
they were so pesky!
had to be stern with them.
especially with marcus.
then kick kick kick.
and after wushu,
kor sustained injury.
he was sparring with alvin.
then was trying to kick his head.
ended up kicking at the mouth.
and his foot swelled with five deep teeth marks.
oh so bloody.
and alvin was bleeding from the gum and lips.
all swollen.
his teeth were shaky.
after wushu went to sit at macs for a while.
then later kor fetched me home.
when he reached my house,
his foot hurt to much to continue driving.
so ezekiel took over,
and they left.
dashixiong asked me if i wanna learn sparring!!!
i want!!
but daddy doesn't allow..
so sad man!!
freaking hell!
i wanna learn!
today had rehearsals again..
was pretty good.
must say it's turning out quite well.
wish i were in dance though.
stupid roger.
after rehearsals wanted to go check out stuff.
but ended up eating at pastamania.
at j8.
saw jeff wang and melody filming sth.
then went to search for a present for gen's mum.
walked ard.
then they had to go..
so we left.
i called kor.
and he was on the way home too.
so waited for him at the last carriage
and met them.
the foot's like shit..
haha.. cuz of the ointment or sth.
someone's leg badly scalded too!
better take care mans..
if not later get scarred.
then won't be nice anymore..
there's wushu grading tmr..
and i gtg help out.
so tired..
when's these crap gonna end????
have oral next tues!
i'm so gonna die la!
i dun even know what to ans when asked qns.
the narrow-mindedness.
after production still have farewell.
and i'm so unprepared.
should send the proposal later.
i'm very scared.
cuz i really think i have no chance.
i dunno why..
it's just like that.
i hope things turn out well.
so much pressure.

coloured days of my life!
it's fun being single!
and i'm enjoying it!
had rehearsals today..
at little india!
haha.. met talia and huilin at amk mrt.
then headed to dobhy ghaut to meet yanhan.
and took nel to little india where we met the rest..
went to dramaplus arts studio to do the final dance sequence.
was okay i guess..
then at 1, they headed for lunch while tiffy, yanhan and i took mrt.
yanhan went home.
tiffy and i went to meet bella at ps.
but since she wasn't there yet,
and she'd already had lunch,
we went to macs first.
she joined us later.
then went to spotlight to check out prices..
i'm very confused now la!
we need alot of budget!!
otherwise stuff won't turn out well!
i'm so lost..
dunno what to do..
we crapped all the way..
then we couldn't find what we wanted..
was almost deciding to leave,
when we changed our minds to go take neos.
so we walked all the way to cine.
[mingshu said he saw us when we were walking in]
good la.. never say hi.
and he only mentioned it like 3 hours later?
cine was so crowded..
so didn't take..
then we decided to go taka..
went to library@orchard..
for a few mins..
we were so damn crappy!
so hyper today mans..
crapped all the way!
didn't stop!
i'm gonna get strong stomach muscles..
didn't stay long in the library..
then wanted to go have a drink and sit.
but couldn't decide where..
i wanted to go starbucks.
then we went down..
then tiffy wanted to go coffee club.
so we went ALL THE WAY UP again!
and guess what..
there was a long queue.
wanted to go food court..
but saw coffee bean on the way.
so we went there.
snagged a table for three.
and i was the only one who ordered a drink..
then bella didn't wanna leave..
cuz she felt happy tt other ppl didn't get to sit.
just so they could feel how WE felt.
then at 4, we decided to go..
tiffy went back home..
then bella suddenly had an urge to go to esplanade.
just like all arty-farty people do.
[or maybe it's just us la] so i went with her.
i love that place.
sense of familiarity and belonging
wanted to go to the roof garden.
so we took mrt to city hall..
and walked/slid/ran/weirdwalked all the way to esplanade.
then she was wondering why girls need a bf..
then i asked her to ask the couples we bumped into on the way.
but she didn't have the GUTS to do it.
then when we reached there..
the roof garden was closed.
dunno how many exclamations of walaos came outta my mouth..
then we sat outside the library at esplanade..
and we sat for 5 mins.
then walked back to city hall..
we started counting the no. of couples on the way!
and we stepped on the posters heads..
haha.. i think no one will get what i mean.
haha.. crapped even more..
and she came up with this weird walk..
so farny..
really enjoyed myself today..
thanks bella and tiffy!
u guys really crap my day!
in a good way!
HAHA!! x)
love you guys!
i shall decorate my room!
and invite all my friends to my house!

i have so many things i wanna achieve in life.
so many things i wanna learn.
guitar: acoustic/electrical
dance: breakdance cheerleading
bungee jumping
joining an drama production company
so many so many more..
i shall try to find time to do this stuff in my life.
or life would be meaningless.
i HAVE to TRY.

the first week of school was so happening!!
shall recount day by day..

went to school..
change of timetable..
boring day..
then had third lang..
afterwhich went for choir concert!
with cherie..
dad picked me up fm third lang.
and fetched us there..
choir concert was fab!
by sngs and nygh..
but somehow.
even though both are good schools with good reputation,
they spelt the word choir..
as chior! on the pamplet!
then ernest gave me my tix.
and the rest of the chinese high guys came.
said hi to ben.
and hongwei!
then peter pretended to say..
"eyy!?" even though he saw me a long time ago..
then i daoed him.
and after tt,
before the performance started,
i caught them all looking at our row of sngs girls weirdly!
maybe they're gossiping..
the concert was good..
very nice.
the first part was grand and formal.
then later had interval.
then we took pics!
haha.. got ernest to take one of us.
then later the second part..
was great!!
kinda drama-like.
very nice.
and when they finished,
we called for encore!
and they did!
haha.. maluating things tt happened to me:
1. i was abit retarded and slow. after ppl finished screaming then i screamed.. the sharp super-loud piercing one. and ended up screaming alone.. ppl turned round to stare. so malu!
2. i was screaming so loudly the woman in front was covering her ears.
when it ended, got hy's money fm ben.
then went with bella to find her cousin.
and our friends!!
gave out sweets!
haha.. then later.
abt to leave..
walked all the way to city hall mrt.
crapped all the way.
then when everyone got off the train
and i was the only one left.
got this jian guy keep staring at me.
and the worst part was!
his gf was just leaning on his shoulder la!
so guo fen.
felt like boxing him.

had school.
morning jog.
first lesson for chinese!
was after recess.
before chen xiu mei came in.
sonya spotted her and said.
shhh! she's coming!
and everyone ran back to their seats.
yihui and yannyee dashed next door to borrow books.
then came back and asked why she wasn't here yet.
sonya said..
shh! she's coming! she lost her way.
and she came in.
the whole class was.
S I L E N T .
amazing the effect she had!
and throughout her lesson,
no one talked.
no one slept.
shows how afraid we were of her!
and then she wanted us to hand in homework!
which i obviously hadn't finished.
then after school had ld.
and had to chiong my chinese homework.
it included:
one zuowen
two yingyongwen
five chang wen suo duan
and i had to study for the chem test the next day!!!
was so tired.

had chem test.
think i'm gonna fail.
so sad.
cuz i studied.
anw.. had third lang.
then called daddy to pick me up.
he said okay.
so after third lang,
i waited at the bus stop for 15 mins.
then called him.
he was in TOWN.
so i said i take mrt to yishun
and asked him to fetch me from there.
he said.. okay. u go take mrt first.
so i went.
and when i reached yishun he called.
said he was at the main road.
i was like where.
and he said opposite.
so i crossed over to NORTHPOINT
then waited for another 20 mins.
then he called again.
asked impatiently where i am.
i said macs.
he said okay stay there. i come
so i waited summore.
then he called and was ranting.
then i was like.. MACS! outside NORTHPOINT!
then he said..
in the end had to go home myself.
was so damn pissed.
wasted one hour.
and i had to study for my chinese test!
which included the whole syllabus for sec 3 express!
felt like crying man..
then went home had to chiong lit postcard.
and after spending an hour working on it,
sarah told me she and grace asked for extension
and tt they were studying.
they were mugging when i was doing it!
and they didn't even bother to tell me!
felt like crying again..
so went to study..
mugged like siao..
so tired again..

nothing much happened..
probably the most boring day of the week.
played soccer for pe.
then after school went with ying to get stuff for b.u. day.
and she had to rush home.
so i went home too.
and we've made it a habit to touch cheeks when saying bye.
so went home..
did homework.

B.U DAY!!!
so fun!
everyone came in retro clothes!!
and our class were gonna wear cellophane skirts!
i wore my pleated skirt and a tee.
and big orange earrings.
to school!
everyone was staring at me on the mrt and bus.
felt so stoopid.
ying brought her dad's sunglasses!
so retro!
took photos..
shall forward to assembly.
our class was one of the first few to present.
did grease lightning.
i was the only one moving la!
felt stoopid again..
not tt it's something new.
then did "do that thing u do"
ended with an impromptu kommama cheer prompted by ME!
purity wore checked skirts
loyalty had pink flare ones!
damn cool.
everyone was psyched up
then after tt had ld.
ruth came back.
was so enthu!
ld was better than usual.
cuz everyone was quite spontaneous.
and after tt, went to watch wushu sanshou nationals
went to kathib mrt to wait for kor.
found alvin waiting for half an hour already.
he good la!
ezekiel and him were like 20 mins late.
then went to the sports hall.
he paid for my tix
then went in..
it was like boxing actually..
but the style different.
they carried and slammed their opponents.
pushed their opponents off the stage
kick the face.
box the face.
kick everywhere.
box everywhere.
one guy got kicked "there"
and the ball protector fell out!
was dangling from his pants by a string!
poor guy.
everyone was laughing.
then later shixiongs sparred.
but lost.
one of them got a nosebleed.
was fun!!
feel more motivated now.
kor said he felt like hitting someone.
and tt he's gonna take part and WIN next year.
then went home at 10+
by myself.
daddy fetched me from the bus stop.
sooooooo tired..

SATURDAY [today!]
went for chinese o's listening.
got two qns wrong!
so sad.
after tt, went to orchard with liting and xinhui.
was supposed to meet ernest to get tix.
but he was gonna be late.
so we walked at wisma.
window shopping la!
cuz it was so damn early.
then went to buy famous amos cookies
went to the staircase at the mrt and stoned.
then he came.
and gave me the tix for syf opening ceremony!
at first jen and val supposed to go with me.
then they didn't want.
so asked gloria and liting.
then liting couldn't go.
so finally jamie's going.
then later we headed to chijmes.
so boring.......
but the chapel was damn nice!!!
so freaking nice man..
then later went to raffles to get food.
ate at bk.
then went around shopping.
gave two kids balloon.
then saw gen and debbie.
headed back to chijmes.
stoned for an hour just sitting there.
then the performance was about to commence.
everyone was like grabbing place la!
then we were in the middle.
and we sat..
watched the band fm ijtp and sjc
was okay la..
felt sleepy though.
then those ppl in front of us
were sucking helium and sounding like squirrels
i was laughing along
cuz it was extremely funny
then our school's co went to perform!
was so nice!
may sound biased..
but weeling was good!
and later ijtp's dance..
not say very good la..
maybe only the last group.
they're faces were plastered with this fake smile la!
then later had to move back for their stupid cheerleading.
this stupid woman..
must be an old girl.
came to pick on me k!
she was like..
can't u ask those in front to sit?!
and i was like.. there's no space!
and she went on and on..
and i was arguing back..
distracted me.. then i couldn't watch.
then i was like..
then i turned away..
and she was trying to push us teenagers so she could see la!
so old already summore behave worse than a kid..
was so pissed cuz of her.
later the sngs cheerleaders came out!
and before the indian dance ppl even got offstage..
we'd already started cheering!
quite evil..
their cheerleading was very coordinated.
was good!
then after tt, went to city hall mrt with jamie to look for gloria
found her..
walked back to bus stop near chijmes..
and guess what,
we walked to the wrong bus stop..
so had to walk summore.
then took bus 16 to the national stadium.
stood for like half an hour..
feet were aching!!
then reached there..
parade already begun and choir was singing.
went to buy drinks
and then find seats.
then we sat at the topmost left of the grandstand.
was trying to spot him!
but couldn't see..
they all looked the same k!
not my fault..
then later the band performances..
i think deyi was damn good..
and not tanjong katong..
i love the band major man..
so pro!!!
then after all the performances ended..
we walked to lavander mrt.
chao tired..
then took the train home...
the end!!

a new day.
today was a good day.
we had rehearsals
and a pretty good one at that!
"half-dressed rehearsal"
they all looked pretty in their cheongsams!
then after rehearsals,
practised voice projection.
then went with yanhan to lunch with bella.
private joke.
they spent so much time deciding on what to eat!!
bella wanted seafood.
wanted to go pastamania.
but alot of ppl.
so went to the fish place.
full house..
then walked back to pastamania.
then they decided to go long johns again..
so we went there..
and i chiong to get seats!
then later got food.
and were crapping.
and crapping.
and crapping more.
then some ri guys came in.
and i saw him.
didn't expect to.
cuz i thought he had training.
then he didn't see me!
then i was considering going over to say hi.
han said yes.
bella said no.
then i decided not to malu him in front of his friends.
he didn't even realise.
then later we left and walked to the busstop.
and on the way got one old couple asked for directions.
we couldn't leave them in the lurch.
so bella and i brought them to the control station.
while han tagged behind.
she was on the phone with her mum.
then bella explained to them how to get to their destination.
and han suddenly said she couldn't go library anymore.
so i went with bella.
then alighted and amk central and walked.
when we got there..
no tables to do our work!
so we had to sit on the floor.
and do our work on the chair instead!
felt stupid.
and bella went to search for some books.
came back with some poetry.
was nice.
i read it while she studied.
and found this.
"quiet is like virgin despair.
not knowing if there
really is anyone out there.
not knowing if
you will be loved"
tan ywee ern,
eye on the world - Beyond Beginnings
i could relate to it.
so i thought it's nice.
then after tt..
walked to take bus.
and went home.
to darren: [if u ever see this] sorry i couldn't make it!!!!! maybe another day ya?? so sorry!
to *you: you sillypok!!! so blind!! haha.. so silly! haha.. lucky u didn't see me anyways.

:on the bus:
bella: yanhan go up.
me: yanhan eat shit.
haha!.. sorry.. i'm just so evil.

:before alighting the bus:
[bella presses bell] bella: did anyone press the bell?
yanhan: [sarcastically] no la. no one pressed.
ahaha.. han is so good at sarcasm.
WALAO! hahahahahahah :)

i hate this.
my life is not going well.
nothing's going my way.
something's wrong with my life.
no, not something.
i was just making a new layout for my blog.
and guess what.
someone talked to me
and then the stoopid adobe photoshop7
my best layout i'd ever done.
now it's gone.
feel like crying.
but that's not just it.
everything's going wrong.
the production.
my studies.
the farewell.
my life.
i dunno what to do.
and i feel so lost.
i feel like crying.
but i'm holding back the tears.
everything's going wrong.
and no one understands.
i don't think anyone will.
and i don't expect anyone to.
i feel so left out.
so excluded.
so inferior.
i wanna go for wushu.
it kinda helps me forget everything.
helps me to let it out.
why does this always happen.
i need someone.
to be there for me.
but not..
just anyone.

so tired.
i'm so tired.
especially after yesterday.
so many things happened.
all at one go.
although he's gone,
it might be a good thing after all.
i know you're affected.
in one way or another.
and i know you need some time out.
so i guess i'll be leaving you alone these few days.
but i hope you know,
that if you ever need me,
i'll be right here for you.
i prayed for your uncle.
it's a sad thing,
but i feel happy for him.
at least he's no longer in pain.
i prayed for him,
for god to receive him with open arms,
and embrace him with His loving hands.
i prayed for you too.
i want you to be happy.
but i dunno how to help you.
how to reach out.
and i prayed for kor and huiyin
for everything to be alright between them again.
i'm so beat.
wushu was draining yesterday.
did so much pushups and situps.
so much practise on kicks too.
it was kinda refreshing anw.
i hope everything will turn out well.
i love you.

i'm sad.
i'm depressed.
why must life be like this.
his uncle's only given three months.
i can't go visit him.
but i feel so helpless.
cuz i can't do anything.
i can't find a way to cheer him up.
to tell u the truth.
i couldn't sleep last night.
was tossing
and turning
the entire night.
was thinking about
and i'm quite at a loss.
don't think we'll ever make it for best bet.
dunno why.
just have this feeling.
cuz like what we plan always never comes true.
so ya.
had another fun crappy day at ld.
then had lunch with yanhan.
and now i'm home.
gonna meet jamie in like 15 mins!
i'm late!!
shall go change now..
then meet her at starbucks to chiong homework.
then later go for wushu..
the depression's coming back again..

many many stuffs..
i joined wushu.
and it's fun!
i saw him.
at j8
miss him even more now..
went to watch harry potter..
was okay only la.
wanna watch best bet with him.
ld's great.
should bring my cam more often.
liven things up.
haven't done any homework.
i have soo much to blog.
but for now..
i dunno what to say.

service learning C A M P!!
ohmygod.. the camp was so GREAT!!!
i shall now go on in detail..

carrying my three baggages of heavy stuff,
walked out to take bus.
luckily i saw weisheng!!
and he helped me carry my stuff
all the way to amk station.
[thank you!! :)]
went to the taxi stand..
i was the first..
then later the rest started arriving
went to cheers with gloria
bought sweets for the kids.
then after the rest were there,
boarded the bus to sparkC!
reached there before the kids
and eugene[who looks like ms cindy ng], gave us some instructions and stuff.
then the kids arrived!
they were so enthu
and they greeted us!
"good morning jie jies and..[they realised there were no korkors]" then later they got divided into groups
my group was scorpius!!
gloria, janet, sze wai, yilin, natasha, jia en were in my group.
and as for the kids, we had,
mei fen, sook fen, li fen, rubini, daryl, roy, jason, yong zhi and jacky!
jacky chan!
hahas.. we kept teasing him
daryl was very hyper and naughty,
so we had to pay extra attention to him
went to our hq after tt
[which was under the saturn treehouse] had some self-introductories.
then later they had a ice-breaking game
where they had to all squeeze into the middle of a rope
and walk towards wherever terence[our instructor] was.
evil gloria and i made them walk under bushes!
there was loads of scruffling and scrambling
daryl and jason almost fought!
after the rope thing,
we were shown around the place.
then we went to the supply store
and got our equipments beforehand.
and I held the key to the store!
hahas.. so fun.
the key was like. suvivor style.
then we had the life-jacket game.
the kids had to run to the hula-hoop
put on a life jacket properly
and run back.
hahas.. i was cheering like mad!
after all that,
went to have lunch.
all of us had to be present before anyone could start.
and we made them say,
"instructors eat, everybody eat"
after lunch,
we went for the obstacle courses
two storeys above the ground.
only like 4 people went through it.
cuz the rest were too afraid..
anw, gloria, me and janet went too.
cuz there was extra time.
and i'm glad to say i went through it without a hitch!!
and probably one of the fastest timing..
after that, we had to return the harnesses
and it was free time again..
later, we had a rope skipping competition.
where WE could also take part..
anw, most of us did..
and the kids didn't wanna!
we didn't have enough ppl.
so just anyhow.
then we were practising.
i skipped for like an hour!!
then the competition began.
our group was too nervous.
then got zero...
but we got another chance.
and we did three!
the winning team got four!
then after that.
we went to the porch near the commitment drive
and terence introduced us to our new instructor!
he was none other than the crappified melvin!
hahas.. at first sight..
he looked super strict!
but u'll see as we go on.
after the introduction,
we went to bathe
and had dinner nice and clean.
gloria and i were busy preparing terence's souvenir.
then were rushing around to look for him.
after dinner the kids had the hygiene talk.
tt's where i got to know ashley!
he's so super cute.
haha.. kept talking and asking what the souvenir was for.
then i hid it and told him to pay attention.
but he still kept talking and playing with his torch.
but later!
when the nurse asked questions to test them.
he got all of them right!
surprising mans..
he can really multitask.
after the talk, went back to hq
terence took the "plate" and left.
[he asked if he was supposed to cry]
then later melvin interacted to the kids
and told them the stuff they had to pack for ubin.
and there was a fire bell!
but we didn't realise it until shann came over to call us.
then melvin was like,
"oh no! we're burnt! hurry get some charcoal and dirty ur faces!"[in a sissified voice]
then we went to the square to assemble
where eugene gave the kids a talk.
after that,
was supper![like forever eating]
and melvin returned us our wallets to shop for souvenirs
then rubini caught me using my phone!
and complained to melvin
saying it wasn't fair we got to keep our phones
when they had to surrender EVERYTHING.
and she pointed me and natasha out!
whatever. [rolls eyes]
anw, nice melvin allowed us to keep our phones.
as long as we kept it from the kids' sight.
then after that the kids went to bed.
eugene had a briefing with all of us.
then melvin was sitting behind him.
he kept making funny faces and playing with the soft toy!
then we couldn't help but keep giggling
i bet eugene thought we were crazy.
haha.. lame
then he crossed his legs like a xiaojie!
so gay.. haha
after the briefing we went back to the treehouse.
packed up and then some ppl went to sleep.
gloria, yilin, janet and i stayed up.
did the souvenirs,
then they went to sleep.
i talked on the phone with my baobei..
hahas.. he's so evil!
tried to scare me with ghost stories.
missed him like hell..
then was sms-ing him through the night cuz he couldn't sleep either.
then i finally fell asleep at 3+ cuz he fell asleep!

then woke up at 4+!!!
went to wash up and stuff
then later went back to the treehouse
and slowly the rest got up
hahas.. then we went to the "hill" to try to catch the sunrise
couldn't see the sunrise.
was on the phone with my baobei.
then only left one bar of batt!!
then after that switched off my phone..
went to wake the kids
then assembled at the commitment drive for flag-raising
silly jason was late!!
then after tt we were playing captain ball.
jason went to change into shoes.
EVERYONE was waiting for him.
then they decided to start without him
and he wasn't back even AFTER the game!
then melvin went to look for him.
after that, we went to get the harnesses for them
they had breakfast and then had the tunnel game!
i went in too.
the tunnel was so small and squeezy and dark!
couldn't see a THING!
had to climb up and down, get clues,
only with the help of a light stick!
then we reached the end considerably fast.
and yay!
our password was correct!
climbed out of the damned thing so hot and sweaty.
natasha keeps filming me!
my big face is gonna appear so many times..
then after that they went for flying fox.
jacky was so terrified..
he went up there.
and we were cheering him on for like 10 mins!
but in the end.
he came down.
quite disappointing.
but ohwells.
after all the kids went,
we got to have a try too!
then i went up,
and gideon was mumbling some stuff.
he always mumbles!
sam calls him "gidiot"
hahas.. evil
then later before i jumped, i yelled,
"jasmine so rocks!"
then later i jumped and screamed and screamed.
i told the rest to scream together.
and they did!
then later.
didn't let yong zhi grab my leg.
swung onto the thing myself.
and melvin said i was fat!
"time to lose some weight"
then he asked if i was screaming for fun or cuz i was scared
of course for fun la!
it was so fun k!
then after tt,
went to pack up everything and locked our stuff in the cage.
then set off for ubin
took the ferry at punggol jetty
then headed towards obs and to look.
then headed off for the campsite.
then we explored the place
shown where the toilets were.
then we had our rations for lunch
and after tt had to get the kids ready
for rafting!!
then i was the only extra sec three
who went into the water.
first we had to tie the drums tight round the pipes
to make the raft
and i was the major person!
cuz they all dunno how to tie the knot.
then we were the first to finish!
so we all went into the water to have fun
with our life jackets..
and the kids were all clinging to me..
especially the girls..
cuz i was the only "jiejie"
and later we got to try out our raft!
and we were rowing the raft..
we were the first group!!!
haha.. AGAIN!
then sook fen kept ordering us ard.
and she was wrong..
quite irritating
but i didn't wanna bother to correct her.
after all..
she's just a kid
who hasn't learnt the basics of..
then later came up.
detached the drums from the pipes
and put everything back..
then later the kids
went into the water again!
but i didn't.
then later..
they all went to bathe
while i was busy washing their life jackets
that and spraying myself with water.
then after that..
proceeded for outdoor cooking!
mevin ordered the kids out of our kitchen!
which was less than a 1 by 1 metre square..
haha.. then we were cooking
maggi mee
and mushrooms
and i asked melvin why there wasn't eggs!
and he told gloria to go lay some!
then we ate super late..
after ladling out food for the kids
then after being unable to finish the food.
melvin brought janet..
where he threw the food in.
can't believe i was swimming in that MUCK.
then we went to wash up the dishes.
haha.. melvin was super extra crappy!!
jacky chan was there too!
so cute lor..
and melvin kept calling "groria"
growl growl..
which evolved into werewolf..
and he told us to be careful of her!
then after an incredibly long while.
we went to bathe.
which was traumatising for janet.
cuz there were "bees" in the toilet.
she was squealing and screaming all the way.
i drowned them in the water!
haha..evil i know
but i had to get rid of them before they could get to me right?!
haha.. then after bathing.
went back to put the mass tins properly to dry.
then melvin walked past..
and gave this comment.
full moon.
then gloria was so slow.
she took dunno how long to absorb those two words
so chao ji funny..
then later.. melvin sped off in his boat and left us.
then we had nothing to do liao.
so were walking up and down.
going toilet.
late in the night.
then later.
he came back.
and we went toilet so many times.
more like i went.
haha.. with different bunches of ppl.
then later..
walk walk walk.
sat at the waters edge..
then gloria and janet came.
melvin came too.
was trying to stay away fm him la..
in case ppl say i try to suck up or flirt.
so anws..
he came and started talking.
then gloria and janet talked to him.
while i talked to sam neo.
my wild beast.
then ashley came out.
said he couldn't sleep.
then i asked why.
turns out cuz they were telling ghost stories.
then i said..
you shouldn't have listened.
and guess what..
he was the one telling!
so silly!
then later..
their stupid teacher was hunting for them.
then they scolded ME k!
like it's MY fault..
i wasn't even involved in the ghost-storytelling..
then later went back to tent.
daniel was crying.
comforted him a little.
didn't expect him to cry.
hmm.. he missed his mum and wanted to go home.
so i went to tell melvin la.
then he was laughing.. and saying very good.
i said he was evil
and went back to my tent.
reviewed the video for the day.
so crappy.
then gloria and janet fell asleep.
tried calling him.
borrowed battery fm cheryl.
but he didn't pick up.
then slowly dozed off.

got up at 5.30 after my alarm rang.
my PHONE alarm.
then later woke gloria and janet up.
and we went to the toilet.
to brush up.
latest to sleep,
earliest to wake.
haha.. then brush halfway.
we were like.. OH MANS.
and the toilet quite far away.
then.. gloria wanted to scream for help.
so did janet.
but i wasn't stupid.
i had a plan!
haha.. took off my slippers and RAN all the way!
back to the "hall".
where all the instructors and would-be instructors were having a meeting.
then i ran there..
they were laughing at me.
and as i ran down the steps.
i was like..NOT FUNNY!
and they were in jackets k!!
i was in a tee!
then later we were hiding fm the rain.
jon was amused.
and gideon came to ask.
what would u guys have done if u didn't run here.
then gloria and janet were like..
scream for help.
and i was like..
but i know u guys wouldn't come save us!
so we ran!!!
haha.. and true enough.
gideon said..
we would have just sat here laughing.
lucky i'm not sucha cow.
otherwise would have been humiliated.
then later ashley came down with all his stuff
in his poncho!
he's so smart can?!
then we were imagining if our stuff were wet.
so i took his poncho and went to check.
turns out it wasn't.
and everyone was trying to get out.
but i told them to stay in their tents.
cuz melvin said so.
so later i went back to the "hall"..
the rain continued..
but then.. they rest started to come out liao.
when the rain finally stopped,
we had to get all our stuff and clear the tents.
after breakfast[rations]
we washed the tents and stuff
and after that.
checked all their stuff.
and were going for a hike next.
helping them to check they got their waterbottles.
then was checking halfway when ashley came to me..
sprayed my arms and legs with mosquito repellant
and told me to spread it.
so cute..
then we gave them some instructions
and we went for the hike.
my partner was little jacky chan!
so cute.
he kept crapping with melvin all the way!
then keep asking when we'll see the
yezhu[wild boar]
then melvin was like..
there! next to you..
haha.. not funny..
and then..
melvin wanted jacky to choose between
him the zhugan[bamboo cane]
and me the yezhu[wild boar]
and he chose ME!
haha.. so cute..
then walk walk..
alot of things happened..
alot of things which i'll never experience again in my entire life.
which is why i delayed blogging abt this..
cuz i knew i would feel like crying.
anw.. we got to our destination.
and we saw some geese in cages.
but the owner claimed they were ducks.
but i kept insisting they were geese! e
tt was how i got my other nickname.. e.
super funny la.
then hiked back to the campsite.
and jacky chan kept saying melvin was saying
gou hua.[being extra and crappy]
jacky's so amusing.
then later went back.
had to check their stuff again..
and after tt.
we got on the boat.
and it was byebye ubin.
gloria and i were writing the msg on the plate for melvin.
then on the bus back to sparkc.
everyone was super tired.
especially melvin.
and we videod him sleeping.
he's really a great instructor..
then got back to sparkc.
had lunch after getting all our stuff.
and after lunch we were supposed to meet at the hq.
and we met there.
and dunno why,
jacky and daniel started fighting.
gloria went over to scold them.
but then they still looked very bu shuang.
and were still shouting at each other.
so i went there and spoke to them in a low soft tone.
i didn't wanna do tt.
which was why i let gloria handle it in the first place.
but i guess i sounded quite scary.
then they quietened down.
then after five mins.
i told them to think abt it.
sigh.. then blahblah.
so saddening.
dun wanna think abt it.
then after melvin came.
the kids were still not gathered.
people still not here.
and we were supposed to leave in 15 mins.
gloria couldn't take it.
and started crying.
i bit back my tears.
then janet started crying too.
tears welled in my eyes but i didn't cry.
then the two of them went to the toilet to have a crying session.
when the kids were finally gathered.
we gave them sweets and their souveniurs.
then had a debrief at the gathering area.
where we gave eugene his plate.
and then..
it was farewell
giving out of prizes.
then byebye.
hugged some kids when they left.
and ashley dashed off cuz there was no time.
as the bus left.
i walked away and started crying.
i couldn't well..
stand there and cry right?!
then i walked away as the others waved goodbye.
at this point..
feel like crying again..
then on the bus back to amk station.
thought alot abt what i experienced the past few days.
fell asleep cuz i was so tired.
and i know.
that i'll NEVER forget this camp.

just had two tiny chocolates!
ben asked me to go watch shrek 2!
but i had to clear all my work.
ended up doing nothing though..
chatted with my baobei and dion.
then went out for lunch.
mum wanted to go blk 900+
to eat the superb laksa and ice kachang.
drove there,
but wasn't open!!
went to shop and save to buy some stuff
then went to chongpang for lunch
had lunch at like 4??
had ice kachang,
mee goreng,
a fishball
ya.. might seem like a lot..
but i ate in small portions la!
still feel like a pig though..
must go on diet!
miss my baobei.
miss my dearest ying.
rotting at home..
i'm addicted to chocolates!
only one way to cure it..
give me my baobei!
not sure if even my baobei can cure my addiction.
:: don't drink too much kopi!!!!!
love ya. ::

Random Spasticity
hahas.. here are some funny stuff tt happens in class daily.
ying decided to name it "random spasticity"

During maths lesson:
sonia: crossback isn't lingerie
mr tan: then what's that?
-various replies from class-
mr tan: i dunno! i don't wear that what.
-choral laughter from class-

During physics lesson:
yannyee: mr gan, the man in the picture looks like you. -points at fat man in cartoon-
mr gan: really meh? i think it looks like you. -pause- haha.. kidding la. you very pretty la.
class: errrr....[disgusted by his reply. not insulting yannyee k!]

mr gan: what's the cg[central gravity] for singapore?
yannyee: bishan?
mr gan: No.. it's in ang mo kio. in 3j classroom.
munxin: mr gan, i bet you tell 3 grace that 3g is the cg of singapore.
mr gan: hurhurhur. you so smart! how you know?! ahaha..

mr gan: who knows what's a brick layer? -looks at no. of hands raised- only one person? two person? huh? CHONG HUI YING, you should know. -smiling-
ying: erm... a person who lays bricks??
mr gan: hurhurhur! aheh. hurhur. -concludes- a bricklayer is someone who lays bricks!

mr gan: -about to swing ruler like a pendulum out to hypnotise-
-spots bridget sleeping-
ey! bridget! i haven't started swinging you sleep already ar? hurhur.
[he's terribly lame]

mr gan: CHONG HUI YING. you should know. who rob people and give some other people?
ying: ??? erm. robin hood??
mr gan: NO! something to do with paul.
class: ?? -__-l?l
ying: oh! oh! is it the nursery rhyme?? fly away peter.. fly away paul..??
mr gan: NO! something like somebody steal something and.. and give somebody..
class: O.o
sonya: Robin hood??
mr gan: no..
class: ...
mr gan: anw, stealing is wrong, whether it's for good or not.
[mr gan clearly has difficulty expressing himself.. haha..]

spasticated me.
i was blogging that day..
blogged a whole lot..
but my com hanged!!!
went to send ying off at the airport yest!
so sad..
now she's gone for a month..
anw, tt silly girl asked me to pass benjamin the marshmallows
and claim money from him..
she didn't put the receipt in the bag!
then yest after i left the "bbq"
benjamin said he'll give me the money someday
then i keep the change
for the bbq...
went to bedok mrt with cherie straight from the airport.
we were so darn early
luckily cherie went to chinese high..
or i'd be stuck alone,
won't even recognise a single person.
anw.. we sorta suspected those ppl in the corner were going
but not sure.
so we waited till more came
then cherie confirmed.
we were so extra!
all guys except for the two of us..
then went to take 401 to east coast..
the min we got on the bus it started raining!!!
then we reached the bus-stop
their teacher, mr ho
fetched us to the pit in his car..
cuz it was raining..
and the rest of the guys had to walk!
then later he fetched me to macs to change again
while getting lunch for the guys
it was raining so heavily..
couldn't rollerblade..
so brought my rollerblades all the way there for
nothing. -__-ll
-rolls eyes-
ernest was very nice la
must give him some credit for sheltering me and cherie.
so was dion.
kept offering food to me
then later went bowling..
the guys had to run like 1km there.
while mr ho gave us a lift again.
got wet anyways..
so freezing cold!
the flood outside macs was ankle-high!
then later went to the bowling alley..
with jianxin, sophia and xiaoting and the rest of them.
hmmm.. i wanted to bowl
but was freezing cold.
so went around scouting for ppl.
then saw ben at macs and told him the rest were at the alley.
after i warmed up a little,
went back to the alley and wanted to play.
but have no lane..
ben asked me to play in his name..
but i was like never mind...
then went to look for sonya and gang..
they came to the alley for a while but left for starbucks.
at like 5+
mum called to hurry me
had to go for grandma's birthday..
and the rain stopped!
then ernest walked me back to the pit
and on the way saw peter
they were already there..
and further up..
saw hongwei rollerblading!!
that ass of a hamstar!!!
how guo fen!
i wanted to rollerblade!!!
then later ernest walked me to the bus-stop..
he's really really very nice k
stayed behind to look after our stuff at the pit summore
and the bus-stop was such a long way away!
[if he ever sees this]
then later went to grandma's house...
then celebrated
then went to the playground..
dear me..
i miss my baobei so much!!!
ci ji-ed him by saying i was sitting next to my "yandao" cousin!
that's it i guess..
i love my baobei!!

i wish
i wish parents were not so irritating.
i wish parents were not so interfering.
i wish MY parents would leave me alone.
give me some space.
some privacy.
i wish parents were more understanding.
i wish parents were more open.
i wish parents were more lax.
just let me do what i wanna.
i'm a little girl.
no longer.
i wish i had more freedom.
i wish i had more money.
i wish i could live in an apartment with a good friend.
where we can have fun
and make merry.
i wish he were mine.
i wish he were happy.
i wish he could hold me.
embrace me in his arms.
keep me safe.
away from harm.
i wish for world peace.
i wish for happiness.
i wish for love.
for each
and everyone.
i wish i could have everything.
everything to go my way.
i wish my wishes come true.
oh how hard i pray.
but these are all just wishes.
they never happen in life.
i wish i lived a fairytale.
where my prince will take me away.

7000 blue pinafores
today was a long long day.
had english..
so crappy!
sam the wild animal was so wild!
suhui had to tame her!!
she scratches!
then had lit after recess!
we RAPPED out our version of "the dandelions"
and when ms heng asked why we chose to present it in tt manner,
and how it links to our title [solitude]
ying and i were like rapping,
"cuz solitude's got attitude"
we were like the crappiest group!
after that had maths,
then in the middle of maths,
xiaoting started using a fan to fan yihui!
hahas.. and clement tan saw.
then he shouted,"xiaoting!" in his really loud voice.
and we were all so tense cuz we thought he was gonnna scold her
but he said, "xiaoting, don't be her maid la.. in chinese it's called 'ya huan'"
hahas.. so crappy..
then yihui was trying to tell him that..
xiaoting was honing her skills to sell satay..
and mr tan said, "are u insulting urself??"
and we were like.. -raises eyebrows-
and he was like, "are u a satay??"
so crap!
then everyone laughed like crazy!
then after school..
had rehearsals..
was the same..
had preview though..
but wasn't fantastic..
anw..after ld.
went to watch 7000 blue pinafores!!!
was D A R N good!
bella was so funny..
she was R E A L L Y good!
excellent mans
i was damn stupid
got all emotional and stuffs after the play
went ard hugging those talented actresses
then all of a sudden,
started to cry
mans.. i hated myself..
but i'm damn worried abt our production..
i a H A P P Y C R A Z Y girl!
anw, a job well done by: isabella, weng chi, cleo, sarah, daphne, cristal, jean, gladys, AND melody, martina, ying qing..and last but not least.... MY DEAREST YING!!!

s i c k
a bad bad day.
first mingjun cancelled orders
due to class outing.
then wenjian cancelled orders
cuz of cca.
then couldn't meet hamstar!
but he's coming on friday anyways
and someone owes me a meal!!
then later had freaking chem test
so difficult!
pratically wanted to cry k
laughed alot today though.
probably cuz of the stress?
mans.. ying's darn funny
cuz mr gan was like "okay"
and he always goes okay.
and ying was like,
"i wished he'd stop that"
and i asked why,
and she said he sounded like a chicken! haha!
cuz the okay sounded like pokehhh
then we were laughing so terribly that i was vibrating
cuz i was trying to keep a straight face and stifle my laughter
laughed till my sides ached and till i teared!
hahas.. damn funny
and started all over again when he said "okay" again
hahas.. then after sickening chem..
went to loyalty
where martina was laughing like a hyena and got me started again
then later went to j8 with my bra and "bf"
hahas.. then went to long johns
ate some fries
then walked ard
then "bf" bought me a ring!
it's pink!
so nicee
then went for third lang
nothing interesting after tt
hahas.. oh ya! new members to my fun fun ppl.. hahas
samantha's bigfoot.. i'm littlefoot
deborah's my bra.. and i'm her owner
tt's it i guess!

today's a shit shit day.
tmr have chem test!
and i haven't studied!
shall go pia after this.
my freaking mum's nagging now..
talking abt sex and guys!
like wth.
why do my parents like to crap abt such stuff?!
i'm just chatting online lor!
what's her problem mans..
anw.. had ld today
and we did N O T H I N G during rehearsals!
and the worst thing is we have chem test tmr!
and now my mum's going on and on and on
i'm not gonna retaliate.
shall just ignore her.
wth can..
she says i never study..
but i was planning to study right after this k!
and at least i made an effort to talk to her k
and she's saying i never talk to her.
she's making me so pissed i dun think i'll talk anymore
and "vampire.dracula.van helsing. anna and whatever crap" can say whatever they like.

yay!!! haha.. i'm feeling hyper.
haha since ppl asked me to update.. i shall update!
tsk.. yang broke up with her
kinda sad actually.. but ohwells.. i can't say anything.
take care ziwei!
hmmm.. let's see! i made a new friend!
shawn! hahas.. his sis is so darn pretty!
and talented. and pretty. and sososo talented
dear me. if i were a guy... haha
she's my idol!!! -drools-
anw.. had chinese listening and oral yest
guess who was my examiner?!?!
tan yong meng.
hahas.. listening went quite well.
then after that.. waited in the darn room for FIVE WHOLE HOURS!
sheesh. the suspense almost killed me.
we were all like bored to death.
spied on those ppl outside. hurhur
then when it was my turn.
he was sitting there without shoes on! haha!
then he said, hello wei ting.
how lame. speaking in english during CHINESE oral...
hahas.. then i didn't understand his questions.
he was quite nice to explain though.. hahas
felt like i was having such an informal and normal-day like conversation with him
then when i didn't have anymore to add..
he said, ok lor, then bye bye liao.
so crappy.
didn't even feel like oral mans.
okay! that's it!
to wrap things up, i'd like to wish my baobei...
a H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y ! !
yupps.. that's it. haven't seen darren online for quite a long while.. haha..
i wanna watch TROY!!
will watch with charmine
if not my baobei will pei me to watch
yay! basically i'm so happy these days that nothing gets me down.
and i hope these happy days never end!
love ya all ppl! smile!! :)

Happy Birthday MUM!
damn.. i really failed the tests i predicted i would fail.. dang.. i failed chinese by 8 marks..[much better than i thought cuz i thought i'd get like 10 only] and i failed both add maths and e maths by 0.5!!!!!! urghhhhh.. damn.. and there are these freaking rumours going round in school.. urghhhh.. but nvm.. as long as yang and ziwei don't get the wrong idea, i guess it doesn't matter though my reputation's like going down the drain.. rahhh.. and to the two of u guys.. don't drink too much k.. i know i'm in no position to say anything.. but yarr.. just don't get into trouble.. and yang.. i know u haven't gotten drunk.. but accidents DO happen.. and there's always a first.. so take care!

dang.. my life sucks.. gonna fail chinese.. gonna fail maths.. phone's gonna get confiscated.. i hate myself!!!!!!!! i'm getting so sick and tired of myself.. yanhan cried today.. during ld.. and i guess it's cuz she's too stressed.. but she passed chinese! which reminds me tt i'm a sucha failure compared to her.. i mean seriously.. i think i suck so much. that i even hate myself! and i don't wanna be a monitor anymore.. maybe it's true i can't cope.. tt i'm not responsible enough.. i mean really.. i'm so tired.. soso tired.. when i saw her crying.. i felt like crying myself.. i didn't know how to console her.. cuz i know exactly how she feels.. and if things could be worse.. i think i felt much much lousier than she was.. but i have no outlet of any sort.. i couldn't cry.. i didn't wanna! i didn't want ppl to pity me.. to say everything's gonna turn out okay.. to say tt i WILL pass.. when i know i won't.. and seriously.. i mean it when i say i won't.. i'm not those kinda ppl who just say they're gonna fail but end up getting superb results in the end. so don't try to console me.. cuz the truth IS the truth.. and no one can deny it.

sighh.. started off with a day which sucked.. but got better as the day went on.. chinese test kicked off the day.. and i left like practically all the questions blank on the first and second page.. like wth.. and as if i'm not gonna fail already.. i didn't have time to finish chang wen suo duan!!!!! dieeeeee.... sighh.. no mid years.. gonna so die.. anw.. on a happier note.. i passed chem! haha.. it's an accomplishment k.. 8 failed in our class.. quite good compared to loyalty.. they had 18 failures!! poor thing.. ok.. then after school, went to watch 50 first dates with him*[can't mention the name or he'd die.. cuz the rest would niao him] hahas.. then we were practically freezing in the theatre... soo cold! the show was hilarious and touching.. so sad k..anw.. was already late for third lang when the show ended.. hahas.. but went to ntuc cuz he wanted a drink. then later halfway there.. he suddenly sprinted away.. why??? cuz he saw peter, wenjian and shiuyuan[is tt how u spell??] hahahs.. and then they were niao-ing him.. and teasing me.. like dots.. haha.. they'd better not spout nonsense.. anw.. we were waiting for hongwei at j8 until the two of them decided to go for third lang since there's mid years next week.. so in the end we went first without hongwei.. hahas... then i was late for class! and during recess.. found peter stoning and zibei-ing in the canteen.. haha.. then hongwei came! he's so cute.. haha.. like hamster.. anw..he says i look like a gerbil.. -__-ll hahas.. then later went for third lang again.. -boring- then later went home with deb and gloria.. and they were like walking along the same path too larrs.. then we bid each other farewell at bishan mrt..

tt's all for today.. and stay tuned for more in.. jasmine's life!

[hope ying, gen and bella did well in the speech] [[sorry ying i couldn't make it]] let's kiss and make up! hahas.. muackks!!

especially dedicated to u*
i don't wanna mention names.. but u know who u are.. i know u're feeling down inside.. and u don't wanna tell anyone about it.. u just wanna bury it deep inside.. not even wanting to think about it.. u just wanna run away.. far far away.. from all the troubles and worries that are bugging u.. but it's eating u up from the inside.. eating u up.. and drowning u.. u're sinking.. going down.. and u gotta let it go.. maybe not to me.. not to anyone.. but the Lord can help u.. everyone's praying for u.. and as a free-thinker.. i have absolutely no qualms about that.. because i too believe in Him.. He can help u.. and he's probably the only one who can, besides yourself.. and pls don't turn to smoking.. i'm seriously begging you.. DON'T! everytime u pick up a cigrette to light it.. remember me.. remember the people around u who care for u.. the people whom u are loved by.. remember that u're harming urself.. and that smoking doesn't help at all.. not in the least bit.. in fact, it's adding to ur burden.. making it much harder for u to solve ur problems.. and making it much easier for ur body to get hurt in the process.. believe in us, the people around u. believe in Him.. but most importantly, believe in urself.. i know u're still unsettled.. even though u keep saying u're alright.. if u have problems.. don't delude urself.. don't run away.. face it.. and it'd be gone soon.. just have faith. i love you!

leadership camp..
oh gosh.. i have so much to blog i dunno where to begin.. well here goes.. i just came back from camp! no, actually, from orchard.. haha.. went to oden to have some jap food for dinner.. then after tt came home cuz was soso overly tired.. hmmm.. anw.. shall start on the camp.. right.. let's see..

after school.. we had a workshop! haha.. and we had coach jiow.. coach alice.. and coach constance as our coaches!! so funn! haha.. and they taught us the chachikachachikachachacha thing.. and i was the only fool who already knew it and the only one who raised up my hands when they asked who knew abt it.. so malu.. haha.. anw.. was really fun. and i seriously learnt alot fm the workshop.. which is quite good cuz i didn't expect to.. thought it was gonna be boring at first.. but i seriously realised there's still so much i dunno abt being a leader/mentor/coach! i think coach jiow's really good at presenting the stuff and getting us all interested and stuff.. yupp! he kinda reminds me of eugene.. haha.. and he's so funny! and coach alice is kinda nice.. but coach constance didn't really talk.. haha.. yar so the workshop ended till like 8pm.. and we were really really tired.. DAY 1
i was late for school! the very first time in history.. cuz i forgot to set the alarm! so darn tired after the workshop.. and mum waked me up and told me i was late.. it took a moment for the msg to get through my sleepy head and i was like.. oh shit! i'm late! ahahas.. maddnesss.. and i didn't finish packing for camp the day before! so was rushing like a madwoman.. blehhs.. anw.. managed to get to school on time..
yay! so funn.. after school.. after the freaking lit test.. we went to the mpr.. haha.. for like.. a few mins?? then went for lunch.. and i was looking around for all the toilet attendants for toilet paper cuz i was supposed to bring and provide for my grp, which i forgot.. anw.. the attempts were unsuccessful.. mans.. then later was in a huge mess and hurry cuz we were kinda late..
turns out adeline didn't we had cheryl for coach! and we were supposed to merge groups.. so we [grp 4.1] merged with grp 4.2.. and kanglin was their counsellor.. we're quite lucky i guess.. cuz they're very nice.. haha.. and we came up with a group name! LAK-SA! haha.. and our group was LAK.. so our members were called Lakkers.. ahahas.. and using logic.. the other group members in SA should be called SA-kers[suckers] ahahas.. but we're not so mean larrs.. anw.. when we were on the bus.. our bus was like the funkiest and noisiest.. can u imagine? the rest of the people on the other buses were so civilised.. sitting on their seats.. while we.. were jumping around! waving wildly to them! ahahas.. and our bus was super noisy.. singing songs and stuff.. and they were like trying to tell ghost stories.. and when we reached there.. it was raining! and there were frangipanis [a tree said to attract spirits].. and thunder! whoa.. total horror movie setting mans.. and the place was so ulu! haha.. anw.. we were supposed to pitch tents.. but since it was raining.. they taught us how to pitch and made us pitch in the hall instead.. then after pitching had to unpitch.. erm.. like what's the point right? then later the rain stopped.. and they informed us we were gonna pitch our tents outside to sleep in! haha.. so fun.. then later we went to cook our dinner first.. outdoor cooking! so funnnn! haha.. and our group was so innovative we cooked scrambled eggs! and we were the only group that did that and we were greatly appreciated by the guides.. who rewarded us with twisties! then we carried on cooking our noodles.. and in the end.. poor xinlei accidentally overturned her noodles! oh mans.. her hard work literally went down the drain.. so i shared mine with her.. then after tt went to bathe..
came out feeling refreshed.. and guess what.. we had to pitch the freaking tents! so were sweating like no one's business again.. and our tent was so freaking small and had to squeeze 6 ppl in! gosh.. and after tt, we had our night walk.. it was supposed to be in labrador park.. but unfortunately some minister has to plant some tree the next day cuz it's earth day.. we couldn't go there! so we were blindfolded and led around the campsite.. quite fun! haha.. except for the last part! lotsa screamming done by queenie, valine and kim.. haha.. one scream, all screamm.. and we walked into a whole army of ants at the last part! and they were like attacking us like hell.. all over out shoes and socks and legs! biting us.. urghh.. then later after tt.. proceeded to our next station where we had to pitch yet another tent! GREATT.. and we had to do it BLINDFOLDED.. like very can la.. anw.. we kinda got like half the tent up.. which was quite good to my standards considering they didn't even teach us how and tt we were blindfolded.. not even knowing how the tent looks like.. and after tt.. supper! and debrief.. then it was lights out after we washed up.. we wanted to stay up till midnight to celebrate xinlei's birthday.. but they were so strict! came around patrolling and scolding us.. mans.. then we were forced to sleep.. i slept at like 12+.. hmmm.. then at 3+, the roosters started crowing!! all the way till 7+!!!! gosh.. felt like slaughtering them..

then today.. woke up at like 6+.. mans.. went to wash up then had to go report after packing.. hmmm.. then breakfast after tt.. and it started raining! so the confidence games had to be postponed.. so sad.. then we were taught how to wear the harness and helmets in the meantime.. and then.. tragedy struckk!! our group was disbanded!!! cuz it had the least no. of ppl.. hmmm.. then some groups left to do belaying.. while mine was stuck to discuss some plans we had for next year.. and after tt, we swapped over..belaying was okay i guess..then we had to go unpitch the tents and wash them.. like laundry women.. and we hung them all over the place.. and after the rain stopped, we proceeded with the confidence games.. our group started with the team-bonding station.. quite okay, but i wanted to do the more challenging stuff!! like the absaling and the flying fox! i wanted to scale down the wall and fly through the air.. but sadly, i didn't get my turn! so freaking sad k.. then after tt was lunch.. and after lunch.. sam made us all finish our pears in 5 mins or we'd have to bring home the leftovers from lunch.. dots..then everyone was practically choking.. after lunch.. more discussion.. and later.. we had to go clean toilet.. dots.. but out toilet was relatively clean.. so we were like the first to be done.. no sweat.. and after that.. packing, debrief.. and home! haha.. waited for my parents while they tried to find their way to the ulu place to fetch me.. then went for dinner! haha.. yupp.. i guess tt's abt it! not too detailed and concised.. but quite naggy already..

to u*: pls don't feel so upset abt stuff anymore.. u're much luckier than me in many ways.. just take a good look at the ppl around u who love and care abt u.. so yar.. i guess.. if u don't really wanna confide in me.. u still have loads of them out there waiting to catch u when u fall.. so yar.. take care!

to xinlei and tasha: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

LAK-SA cheer
hot and spicy, good to eat!
la-la-la-lak SA!
la-la-la-lak SA!
la-la-la-lak SA!

we are who we are
hmmm.. dunno how to begin.. i guess we can't change what others think about us.. but we certainly can prevent the bad side they think abt us from becoming a total fact.. sighh.. i really wanna help *u.. but i dunno how! and i feel like it's my fault.. and i can't even do anything.. pls don't be so stressed anymore? and just think of me as a friend.. u can confide in me anytime.. and don't let me get u down.. sighh.. i really dunno what else i can do to help u.. so guilty.. do take care ya? i will be here always.. forever and ever.. whether or not u're pissed with me..

to u*: all i can say is sorry.. and i really am.. but as in i really didn't see ur tag before i blogged.. and it was only after i entered my entry tt i saw ur tag and realise it's all a misconception, miscommunication.. sigh..

i'm really really sorry

it's all but a misunderstanding..

princess of the damned
i'm so overly depressed.. nevermind.. this is like so saddening but i shall try to forget.. i'm so depressed by what they're all saying.. it's like.. who are they to judge me, tell me what to do, when they don't even know what's going on?! and the worst part is.. they actually think i'm up to sth to try get his attention.. i guess things will never be like before.. and to make the night worse.. i got caught msging in bed.. and my mum grabbed my phone and read all my freaking msgs.. shit la.. then she came to talk to me and later dad came to talk to me.. wth.. i was like hiding my head under the pillow all the time.. sighh.. now i can't even contact my dearest yang.. and i can't contact my friends when i gotta! so sad mans.. ada gave me a kiss again todayy.. sighh.. so sad.. anw.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVER i love u forever and ever.. and if i really ever become a les.. u'd be my lover..

i can't stand the way ppl judge me. not seeing me for who i am. and berating me for no reason.
i hate being accused.

hugs and kisses everyday,
it's no wonder i'm turning gay.

why are they doing this to me? what is going on? why must they say such stuff? why can't they understand.. WHY? i don't know.. i really don't.. at this moment.. i really feel like breaking down and crying.. thanks yang for always being there.. i love u too..

my day
haha.... yay!! feeling quite happy today.. haha.. was quite hyper! took photo with my bung, lover and honey!!! haha.. and now ying's jealous.. so she's my dearest! haha.. yayy! haha.. i'm so happy i'm so happy i'm so happy!! finally outta depression! haha.. yay!! i'm gonna be soo busy in the near near future.. hmm.. have sports day this week! haha.. but jonas' having his birthday party!! tsk! maybe i shouldn't even TRY to go after all.. since nobody even informed me abt anything.. NOBODY k, i repeat.. everyone just expected me to know.. blehh.. so they couldn't be bothered to inform me.. anw.. after school today, was supposed to go to j8 to meet vince.. haha.. then was accompanied by gen and sam neo hahaha.. the crappers.. urgh.. was ignoring me all the way.. cuz of sth too embarrassing to be mentioned here.. haha.. nvm.. then vince was late! haha.. then when he finally came.. we didn't know where to go.. so were walking around j8, then went to macs where he went to have lunch.. hmmm.. then he kept saying he felt like pinching my cheeks.. walao.. then later wilson, zhihao and some other guy walked past k.. bet wilson did it on purpose.. haha.. then later zhihao smsed me to ask if i still was at j8 with my bf... haha.. whatever.. he's not my boyfriend la... hmmm..

oh ya! hmmm.. have many stuffs to attend in the following weeks.. haha.. yay! there's this leadership camp! which i expect should be quite fun and interesting.. and this service learning camp! haha.. we're gonna bring children from the Singapore's Children Society to Spark-c for a camp! at obs and pulau ubin! and this project's sponsored by Seagates!! woohoo!! so funn!!!! yay! then we get to sleep in treehouses and go rafting!! i really am looking forward to it.. haha.. then there's also this ld camp at the end of the year i expect.. haha.. i don't understand why people don't enjoy camps.. hmm.. maybe if they look on the brighter side, they'll enjoy more!! haha.. camps are fun.. either that.. or i'm weird.. haha.. maybe i am.. i have different thinking and views from others la.. people should learn to be more fun-loving like me! haha.. don't be so fussy abt life.. cuz our life's too comfortable.. hmm..

my dearest and my bung cut their hair!! haha.. gonna see it tmr.. heehee.. x)..

oh! and to my shuaige: i'm so sorry i haven't been talking to u muchh these days.. miss you! xP

my heart can be easily shattered
crystal heart
Heart of Crystal

What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

unrequited love, balanced with a broken heart
sighh.. i cried today.. i did. haven't done so in a few months.. sighh.. i really dunno where i'm headed.. what i'm doing.. all i know is.. i'm sinking deeper into an unrequited love.. and there's nothing i can do about it.

i can't stand the way she insults my friends! like she's got the right to anyway.. this is seriously irritating.. what right does she have to judge me? to judge my friends? this is getting on my nerves.. she's even telling me to stock up on a thousand panadol pills.. so if i wanted to commit suicide.. it'd be a smooth one.. so that i won't get stuck halfway. wth! can she even be considered a mum?

here's my persuasive speech..

:: Have a little faith::
Faith is important to one and all

Faith. What does it truly mean? To me, faith is a conviction, which should not be taken lightly. It is very important for us to possess faith as it is clearly seen to be closely interlinked with our lives. It is a foundation on which our lives are built upon and without faith, we would be living in a world of darkness --- without hope or belief in anything. Every human being lives on a modicum of faith, regardless of character.

How does faith affect our lives and us? When we begin to lose faith in ourselves and in the people around us, we tend to lose our sense of direction in life. This lost feeling and sense of helplessness often brings about negative changes of mood in us. This results in us becoming cynical and melancholic, causing us to lose our temper easily and snap at the people around us, be it friends or family. The lack of confidence and determination we used to possess will result in us being afraid of pursuing our dreams.

When we do not believe in ourselves, the feeling of worthlessness and dejection buried deep within us becomes so intense that more often than not, most of us would sink into depression. Remember Leslie Cheung, the much-idolized singer and actor by many in the world? He jumped to his death due to depression, and thus, a talent like him was gone and lost forever. He was reduced to such a pitiful state because he lost faith in what he used to believe in. Thus, losing the will to live on, he committed suicide, as he could no longer see any meaning in life.

Like him, many of us tend to think that the world has nothing to offer us, that the world has betrayed us with its cruelty and indifference, and that the world has turned its back on us. We often think that we are alone, but we are not. In fact, no one ever is. If we think carefully about it, we often get so cooped up with ourselves that only me, myself and I exist in our own little world. Thus we fail to realise the many people around us who truly care --- our friends, teachers, relatives and especially our family.

There was a period of time when I used to be that way, think that way. The people around me tried to help me cope with the responsibilities I had to shoulder. However, I rejected their generous offers, wanting to deal with things myself, because I thought, "No one can help me if I can't even help myself." I had already lost hope in myself and I did not realise the amount of hurt and pain I had inflicted on them by saying no. However, when I finally could no longer cope with the workload, that was when I decided to put a little faith in them, to put my hands into their helping hands; to accept their generous offers. That was when I truly realised how concerned they were about me and how they truly wanted to help.

Therefore, I believe that having faith is very important to each and every one of us. We should all believe that no matter what, everything would turn out alright. Have faith in yourself and in the people around you. True faith is believing strongly in something no matter what and that what we believe in is worth standing up for. As quoted from Dante Gagelonia, "Having faith isn't about being naive. It's about being stronger than adversity."

i hate my mum. she thinks she knows everything. she insults my friends like.. hell! i dunno what to say! i've no freedom. no respect. treated like shit. i hate her.

tsk.. physics and geog tests suckked.. super duper suckked.. blehh.. after school.... went to chinese high again! sighh.. took bus with shuming and her friends.. hmm.. one of them is daphne i think.. sighh.. then later walked to the canteen.. some guys were playing captain's ball with the girls la.. then i shouted for grace.. and she ran up to hug me.. and then ying's turn to run up to me.. then the impact of her hugg was so great.. that my phone fell on the ground and was in pieces!! haha! woohoo!! sighh.. then later was crapping with them larr.. hmmm.. wenjian specially called out to me and waved to say hi! how nice of him.. haha.. he's shuai la.. i think so anw.. i think he's very cute.. cuz he's like so shy and stuff..haha.. ok.. maybe only tt.. he LOOKS shy.. haha.. but quite bhb.. haha! okay.. then later went to the bbball court and sat at the stands to watch.. then we were singing songs.. haha.. hmmm.. then trish was saying.. heyy.. tt guy goes to my church.. and i looked.. and omg.. it was nicoll.. so i called him.. and he was like, "eyy". and that was it. he continued talking to his friend.. and ignored me.. sighh.. ying and bella were like.. what a jerk! sighh.. but i felt quite sad larr.. what did things turn out like that? hmmm.. ying asked if i was okay, and i said yes.. but as i left, realisation started to sink in.. it hit me.. real hard.. wham. sighh.. and he smsed me to ask what i was doing at his school.. and i replied,"why did u dao me?" hmm.. and he was like.."i was there to play bball, not to look at girls, so i didn't notice u".. whatever.. like hello? can't he even say hi when i called him.. he KNEW i was there.. he didn't even say hi.. even wenjian called me just to specially greet me.. can't he do the same? sighh.. as i thought back on my way home.. i realised[with tears welling in my eyes].. hmm.. maybe what ying said was right.. maybe he's not worth it.. even as a friend.. sighh.. i dunno... i'm like so over him anw.. i give up.. whatever.

my heart is but a lonely place
ahh!! so funn today! though got picked on by chenyuyan.. sickening.. more than half the class didn't bring their 3b lorr.. and she had to pick on ME! as if she's not done it often enough.. gee.. anw.. i'm so pissed k.. it's like i'm the one in class doing everything.. slogging for the benefit of the ppl.. while the others are slacking.. busy collecting all the consent forms and reply slips.. and when they don't hand up in time.. i'm the one who gets called irresponsible.. where's the fairness of it?! sighh.. then had to cover up for ying too.. cuz she's at chinese high.. so had to collect the english stuff too.. sighh.. and it's like.. everytime the class is noisy.. i'll start getting frustrated and start shushing them.. and then they'll get fed up.. i think my class is beginning to hate me.. urgh.. heck larr... they should start thinking who does all the stuff for them.. collecting and collating forms, cleaning the blackboard.. cleaning the class.. sighh.. i'm really sick and tired..
now for the happier part of the day.. went to chinese high after school [with charmine]! took 74 opposite amk central.. then travelled for like half an hour.. and we thought we were lost.. then i had to go get the 74 brochure.. haha.. crap la.. then we got down one stop earlier! and had to walk all the way to the next stop..which was at the main gate. -__-ll haha.. then charmine was stopped by these ppl in the taxi looking for the boarding school.. haha.. we were kinda afraid of going in at first.. cuz we saw the sign "trespassers will be prosecuted"!!! hahah.. but we ignored it anyways.. halfway walking up the torturous hill.. peter and hongwei came along! they were soo super nice.. showed us the way to the library and helped us look for the rest of the girls.. but unfortunately they were having photonics course.. so we went to the canteen! where i saw clement.. haha.. now obviously i didn't wanna play soccer in my blouse! tskk!! anw.. i asked peter and hongwei to go abt their stuff.. cuz i felt quite guilty for making them bring us around.. haha.. thanks a hell lot guys! then later alfred and vincent came along.. charmine's friends.. hmm.. damn crappy la.. they were acting gay.. they brought us to the track! then.. was trying to look for nicoll but to no avail.. so the four of us were crapping at the "terraces".. haha the specs stands larr.. hmm.. then later went to wait outside the photonics lab for ying.. omg! when i saw her.. we were like running to each other! and she gave me a huge hugg!!! missed her like hell! the feeling was undescribable.. sighh.. then later had to wait for a longlong time while she settled her stuff.. afterwhich we cabbed to third lang.. saw wenjian and waifung at chinese high too.. haha.. then at third lang centre.. i was betting wenjian would probably have missed his third lang for the day! then the next min.. i turned and saw him standing there! haha.. talk abt getting a shock.. hmm.. then the rest of the day was as usual i guess..
i love my shuaige and my lover loadds! *muacks*!

holy week
this is holy week! had morning jog after assembly.. 3 rounds.. then went to drama studio to watch passion of the christ from jeses of nazereth.. hmm.. was kinda touching.. val was tearing.. i was KINDA tearing.. yupp.. can't believe the ppl in front were like kinda laughing.. quite unfeeling huh.. then later had social studies.. let's skip tt.. boring topic.. then after tt.. P.E! had to run 5 rounds.. haha.. the timing i clocked wasn't bad.. haha.. improved ALOT.. and after EIGHT tortorous rounds.. we had to play handball.. -__-ll like we very full of energy la.. tsk.. then after school had LD! haha.. stupid nurse.. sighh..

going through an interview with daniel now.. haha love my shuaige!

i miss huiying!!!
sighsigh.. went to school today feeling sad and lonely.. cuz my dear ying went to tchs! actually i saw her at the forum la.. then walked her up to the bus and sent her off.. heehee.. went back to class and found the feather thingy! hideous! can't believe i have to wear it.. eek! anw.. nicoll smsed me! and why?!?! just cuz my friends went over to his school... how nice and sincere of him huh.. sighh.. anw.. after school.. went to j8 before third lang.. then was caught unawares by this salesman.. haha.. who was advertising for this perfume.. haha.. and he asked if charmine and i were sec ones!!![btw, thanks charmine for editing my blog bg] and i was like half-shouting,"what an insult!" haha.. and he kinda got the idea and was like.. "no la.. cuz i thought u look very cute so i thought u guys were sec ones".. -__-ll like whatever! haha.. tsk! AND dear cristal! i wasn't trying to flirt with your bel k! it's just she was looking at me.. so i smile la! cuz i thought i shouldn't be rude and must give u face what.. grr.. so much for being friendly.. i was trying not to be dao k! -blehh- anw.. *darren didn't keep to his promise! :( and he's not replying me! haha.. tsk! i have decided to go visit ying on wed anw to pass her all the homework and to give her a bigg hug!!! muacks! love ya all!

* the abovementioned is one who has got the looks and one who has got what it takes! [to my dear shuaige]

flag dayy!
woohoo!.. did 8 hours of selling flags today.. left home at 10+ to go get the bags.. then was waiting for grace at amk mrt when ppl came up voluntarily to me to donate! ahaha! i wasn't even expecting them to donate and i didn't even ask them to! haha.. what nice ppl.. then grace came! and after getting her bag, her dad gave us a lift to plaza sing! how nice.. but when we reached there.. there were SOO MANY ppl selling flags there! kids, adults, students.. grrr.. but i earned quite alot.. felt abit evil cuz whenever i ask together with grace or huiying, then the ppl would give me.. haha.. so i ended up with quite alot.. haha.. we walked from plaza sing.. all the way to somerset. and we stationed opposite somerset mrt.. haha.. all the little children are soo cute! so chubby and cute!! ahh!! felt like pinching them.. haha.. ok.. anw.. after that.. went to heeren, then to somerset again, then to plaza, then somerset.. then heeren again!! hahaa.. good exercise.. hmm.. anw.. DARREN my dear shuai ge was supposedly gonna "coincidentally" bump into me.. haha.. but then he suddenly called and said he sprained his ankle! ouch! poor thing.. haha.. but lucky it was just a sprain la.. he's not disfigured.. so still as shuai.. haha! hmmm.. had a few strange encounters! gonna list them! ahaha..
1. at amk mrt, 3 girls came to donate money on their own accord, and one said i had the same name as her! xP
2. was at heeren, and when i asked two different guys to donate.. one lifted up his shirt to show me the sticker on his belt.. and another one lifted up his shirt to show me the sticker on the opposite side of his shirt and winked at me.. ahaha.. crazy!
3. this malay guy in this big grp i asked to donate came really near to look at my badge and said..[in a sarcastic manner] "monitor ar?! i monitor also!" haha.. lame..
4. was walking up the right side of heeren[the marche side] and saw a group of rappers and breakdancers.. and guess what! i saw ming! haha.. and i made him ask his friends donate! haha.. hmmm.. and one guy wanted my number.. haha.. so lame..
5. i was asking this grp of 3 to donate when this girl was like saying, "qu si la"[go to hell].. like wth lor.. i was quite pissed and got quite discouraged after that.. but heck her..
6. when i asked this couple to donate.. the guy was like," donate what.. donate sperms ar?" ahhaah!! i was like ??? -__-ll
then after tt went to s.t.a.d.i.u.m. at taka to look for yang and jonas.. and zhihao was there too.. haha.. he donated a miserable 5 cent.. so i had to keep my promise and donate ALL my coins to ying..

my mum's getting on my nerves!!!

hmmm.. so bored now.. friendster's undergoing maintanence.. can't log into msn.. sigh.. just came backk from northpoint with isabella! haha.. yanhan and gen couldn't go cause they have history test tmr.. which reminds me.. i have emaths test tmr!! sighh.. but i didn't bring my emath book home.. forgetful me.. so anw.. i met bella koh on the mrt.. yet again.. haha.. went to northpoint with issy to get rings done.. haha.. ying's belated present.. haha.. yay! it's so nice! haha.. oh yes.. and issy and i both agree that the girl at that shop was very childish and irritating.. can't stand her. urgh. hahah.. anw.. who cares abt her.. can't stand the way how cristal always daos me lor.. dao-ist.. i'm always like the victim of all dao-ists.. sigh.. issit cause i'm too nice? haha.. made new friends yet again.. muahaha..
i can't stand the way how i don't realise it when my mum sneaks up upon me when i'm blogging.. i'm so sick and tired of her nagging.. she's always thinking so much and reading so much into stuff.. actually.. she's not even thinking.. she's just imagining.. urgh.

i love me
sighh.. i think i'm gonna die for my chinese test today lar.. haha.. peter's pants fell today when he was at the bus stop!!! ahahha.. at the bus stop summore! haha.. as in the whole thing.. hahaha.. ohmygoodnessgraciousme.. ok.. shall stop advertising the whole embarrassing incident.. hmmm.. yang's arm is injured! -heart breaks into a million pieces- poor thing!! aiyo.. then the other day jonas was like trying to write on his 'cast'.. more like bandage actually.. haha.. oh man.. and he was like twisting and turning his arm.. -heartpain- haha.. so poor thing.. now they're like treating his arm like a plaything.. oh ya! and yanhan said yang and i look like model siblings! haha.. yay! i mean.. of course we are la! haha.. urgh.. my mum sneaked up upon me again just now as i was blogging k.. so irritating.. URGH.. if she ever finds this blog.. which i think she probably will.. i'm gonna die.. seriously die.. shitties.. can i like password protect this thing??? sigh.. anw.. i love the kaya toast shop at j8! haha.. charmine has decided to go there weekly to have lunch! haha

just a min ago.. she was here.. standing.. right behind me.. she stalked me again today.. to j8.. hurhur.. this just goes to show right.. the kinda trust she has in me.. the way she tries to live through me.. limits my freedom.. disregard my privacy.. well.. let me tell you something.. i hate this.

i totally hate it.

today's a fun fun day..
yay! haha.. was on my way to meet yang at northpoint and guess what! haha.. met weisong at the bus-stop and we went together! haha.. yup.. then met him and took mrt to somerset.. haha.. then weisong went to meet his friend and we headed to cine! to take neoprint..but unfortunately.. it wasn't opened yet.. so we went to heeren to get his hair products.. and yet again.. the shop wasn't opened.. haha.. so we went to take neoprints!!! haha.. yay! the background could MOVE! haha.. how interesting! yup.. so the neoprint's like colourful! haha.. yupp.. then later yang was kinda late.. cuz we were like spending soo much time deciding on how to pose but ended up taking random poses.. haha.. then took so long to design.. hahaha.. so he went to yoshinoya to have lunch! haha.. after which, nice me walked him to somerset station before setting off to look for clarr and terri.. haha..
crap! haha.. went to taka to look for them.. then later was deciding how to get to zhonghua.. we cabbed there.. and cuz the weak women somehow couldn't seem to get their bottles open(i dunno why).. so i had to keep doing it.. haha.. especially terri.. haha.. the funfair was SO BORING! there were like so few ppl there.. and not much stuff to do.. so we were chatting at the bball court.. basically cuz it was in the sun, there were seats, and cuz it was "quiet" compared to the other parts of the school.. haha.. oh! and we identified this stone table as the "quixotic" table.. haha.. then later talked and stoned at the bball court while waiting for the two guys to come.. so slow k.. i was melting under the sun.. then clarr and terri were trying to settle the tix problem for the danceworks.. then when the slowpokes finally came.. we made them finish up the tix and left for town.. haha.. shit la! on the way there, when i was getting off the damn bus, i tripped k! at the curb! right at the door! cuz of my stupid freaking slippers.. urgh.. so embarrassing.. and they were laughing like shit.. haha.. i was laughing too actually.. but now, it's quite painful.. haha.. who cares.. then later jonas kept playing with my cam, taking stupid clips and commentating.. haha.. then later we went to cine for the girls to have their dinner at pastamania.. and the jonas and i were stoning while stupid wilson was looking at my msgs.. urgh.. haha.. then the girls left jonas behind and went off in a hurry.. ahaha.. poor guy.. so he decided to meet zhihao to go for danceworks.. went to meet ming downstairs.. and then the guys all decided to go to skate park! there was a breakdancing comp going on.. was damn cool.. haha.. then jonas was like glued there while wilson wanted to leave.. haha.. so we left after the rapping begun.. the rap was so nice! haha.. then went to heeren to walk ard.. with jonas hinting for his present.. ahaha.. then wilson was like so lovesick.. so everytime we left a shop.. he wouldn't even realise until after a few mins.. and once.. he walked in the opposite direction until i called him.. haha.. silly ass.. sigh.. then after tt.. we went to the mrt station.. haha.. jonas and wilson are like soo gay! hahaha.. whoops.. i mean.. as in the way they act around each other.. haha.. very funny! heex..
got a huge scolding after i came home.. turns out my hp bills are like 100+.. think my phone will be confiscated soon enough.. sigh.. then later went for dinner.. was going to have sakae!! then their service was so damn freaking slow, my folks got up and just left.. then went to the freaking food court where like almost everything was sold out and the stalls were closing.. so ended up eating the leftovers of my mum, dad and sis.. cuz i didn't know what to eat.. urgh.. so pissed.. so were my folks.. stupid sakae.. so ya, our dinner was a tragedy.. sigh.. haha.. but nevertheless.. i enjoyed my day! haha..

in school!
huiying's nagging while i'm typing.. haha.. i need to find a topic for persuasive speech! and huiying's now calling my FULL name.. JASMINE HOW WEI TEING.. hahahaha.. she's now looking at the screen as i'm typing.. as i was saying.. i need to find a topic for persuasive speech! so anybody out there.. give me a topic! on teens.. like erm maybe depression and stuff.. give me inspiration!!! gtg research more now.. tag my board with ur ideas!!

THE camp
hmm.. just came back from camp.. shall recount the stuff we did! haha..
on the very first day.. the sec 3's came early to prepare and stuff. but unfortunately.. we only decided on the stations and gamemasters.. hmm.. then we went to the mpr to wait for the others to arrive.. so many ppl didn't come! so everything was kinda messed up.. the groupings, the amount of leftover food.. and all that crap.. so anw.. i went to merge with this grp.. and lost huilin.. aww.. then they were so un-enthu.. so basically i was like talking to myself besides peifang and larri.. yup.. was trying to make them enthu abt things.. so we came up with a group name.. The Black Stars.. haha.. i think it sounds quite cool.. so anw.. after that ppl started playing games.. so we decided to make them write a letter to their mortals before we went down for icebreakers.. haha.. i got julia as my mortal! she's sec one.. but i can tell she's enjoying the camp.. haha.. i'm glad to have her as my mortal.. yupp.. so after that we went to the bball court to play the cabbage game.. haha.. it was so lame and it's call the cabbage game cuz we couldn't find any balls so we used the cabbage props from the ld room instead.. after that.. we all went for lunch.. then the sec threes, mostly comm, went to the ld room to prepare the clues for the night trail while the rest were having "ld idol".. ahaha.. then we were burning the edges of the clues to give it an eerie effect.. i inhaled lotsa smoke.. we burnt several clues.. and sorta had not much extras.. so i was getting quite edgy.. and time was running out.. then we decided to stick it on the picture of the puzzle they were supposed to form.. when i realised... THE CLUES WERE TOO BIG TO FIT! so i had to start burning them into smaller pieces... and the thing was.. the rest were kinda sick of burning already.. so i was like the only one doing.. then yanhan was sticking them.. so i was getting pissed and really stressed.. i was damn worried i might just lose it and blow.. but i kept quiet.. sorry i was such a jerk to u guys... i felt quite giddy cuz of the inhalation of the smoke.. but i kept going cuz it was getting late.. then almost completing.. we decided to drop into the ava room.. turned out that they were all very un-enthu.. and the seniors were depressed abt tt.. so me, jill, isabella, gen, tiffy and han decided to come up with a short item.. we took abt five mins.. and dashed to the room.. muahaha.. then we did "when the night has come" with the red bowls as our hats.. haha damn crappy.. but everyone enjoyed it.. and the seniors were quite happy.. then it was back to slogging.. after slogging for like 4 hours, the clues were finally prepared.. as yanhan and i were ppreparing the clues, the rest were coming up with the entries of the "diary" of the girl who committed suicide.. haha.. damn crappy.. after that.. it was abt 6+ and we went to plant the clues.. it was like so dark.. we place the dummy with the red dress and the wig at the table tennis area.. and we were freaked out by it ourselves! then while trying to place the clues in the jack-in-the-box, we once again freaked ourselves out when it popped out.. then we had to walk to those super dark places to plant the clues.. was very scared cuz it was getting late.. then we went to the staircase at the fam lounge and practically threw the clue there and left.. haha.. then, after dinner, the adventure began.. yanhan and i were supposed to be in charge of the ava room where we were supposed to screen a scary movie for them and scare them, but turns out the ava wasn't booked for the night.. ohwells.. so we went off to the corridors where the teams were headed towards and switched off the lights when they walked past.. haha.. so much screaming!! woohoo!! then yanhan and i hid at the corner of this stairway where no one could see us.. and as the groups went by.. we'd suddenly scream loudly and they'd just start screaming and running like crazy! haha.. one group was like, "cheh, it's only jasmine and dunno who(cuz yanhan wore the mask)" however.. to get back at them for being so cocky, i suddenly screamed super loud when they walked a few metres away.. then they were so freaked out and started screaming cuz they didn't expect it.. HAHA!! i'm so evil.. then we walked around to the different stations to take a look.. didn't go to the gym toilet though.. heard three groups were stuck there locked in the toilet by the gamemasters.. and cuz they couldn't unlock the padlock for the container containing their clues, they spent a whole lotta time there.. ppl kept calling me on the phone cuz they kept misinterpreting the clues.. but i guess in the end it was ok cuz many groups managed to get all the pieces for the puzzle.. muahaha.. then after that.. me, gen and yanhan were slacking in the mpr and counting points for them.. and we went down to the toilet at the pe room to bathe at ard 11+.. was done at ard 12! and when we stepped into the mpr to put our stuff.. ms heng turned off the lights! we couldn't see anything k.. it was pitch dark.. what a bitch.. she even got her bf to accompany her to stay over.. urgh.. can't stand her.. anw.. i slept with gen, yanhan, tiffy, jill, jillian and trish.. then ming called, haha.. then they were so mean.. poking fun at him.. haha.. noisy asses.. and huilin told us to shuddup.. which everyone did, cuz it was unusual for her to say tt.. so anw we still continued talking in low voices after a while.. haha. so slept darn late..
the next morning.. we woke up at 5! to fill the freaking water bombs.. haha.. the mpr was pitch dark.. was using the light fm my phone to move ard.. yanhan tripped over stuff twice! i was so afraid of waking ms heng.. haha.. anw.. we filled like few hundred water bombs.. then had chee cheong fan for breakfast.. urgh.. then had to go for rehearsals.. by that time.. i was already so freaking tired.. and rehearsals sucked.. i'm this damn nurse who dies in the end cuz of sars.. everyone was really pissed with the casting and the script.. sigh.. so anw.. after tt we went off for lunch with the rest of ld.. afterwhich we had the water games! i asked the sec ones to help carry the numerous gi-normous pails of waterbombs to the bball court.. i helped bring like 6 to 7 pails down so many flights of stairs.. my back was like close to breaking.. then had to rush ard to get the materials ready for the games and stuff.. then cuz i was in charge.. i couldn't really get wet cuz of the scoring sheet i was holding.. sigh.. then just before the best part came where we could just anyhow bomb ppl.. i had to accidentally kick the darn floor near the drain where it was like rough and all.. then i was walking when i suddenly looked at my tiny toe and saw this huge deep cut and blood was oozing out like no one's business... i dripped blood all over the floor man.. can't believe it didn't hurt.. it was so seriously deep! anw.. jillian gave me a plaster.. and so i had to hit the others with bombs from the SIDELINES.. how dumb can it get.. it's like fate tt i can't get to take part in the finale of the waterbombing.. even last year.. the flour got into my contacts and i couldn't really continue with the bombing.. this year.. this has to happen even when i decided not to wear contacts.. sigh.. anw.. after that.. we had evaluation, giving out of prizes and group photo-taking.. hmm.. then everyone went home.. was feeling damn depressed after tt cuz like the month we spent to prepare the camp was so tiring.. and now it's like over so soon.. so ya.. and it's like a sudden jerk back to reality.. cuz i still have this huge pile of chinese worksheets and compre.. chinese newspaper article.. maths homework.. english speech topic.. chinese project.. lit project and all that crap.. which i haven't even touched cuz i was too busy preparing for the camp! sigh.. AND i only have sunday to finish all the crap! AND considering i feel so damn tired now.. sigh.. dunno how i'm gonna cope.. just hope i dun crack and die..

camp's coming!!!
sigh... went to school at 8 today to do up the ld board.. and was supposed to have rehearsals in the afternoon.. but guess what! we suddenly received news that roger's sick!!!!!!! urgh! forget it.. then he wants to cut into our camp to do rehearsals! can u believe it?! anw.. later we were in the ld room.. drawing lots for the camp groupings! so exciting!! haha.. then i'm in the same group as huilin!! ahaha.. hweehwee! ahaha.. hmm.. then later started thinking abt the night trail.. and got really depressed.. really hope everything goes well.. hmm.. then i was sms-ing yang.. felt much better after tt and after talking to bella.. haha.. then felt hyper and cheerful once again.. mind u.. i WAS at bishan mrt.. haha.. but i didn't stone la..

busy busy day!
haha.. went to school in the morn at 8.30! ahh!! then had comm meeting.. and basically our comm meeting only consisted of 4 ppl lor! me, yanhan, jill and tiffy..then we discussed night trail!!! so funn! but i'm already getting freaked out k.. damn scary! ahh.. i'm feeling quite depressed abt our imaginary character already.. but shouldn't divulge too much abt it.. in case some senior pokes her nose into my blog.. muahaha.. -evil laugh- anw.. after that.. had to wait for han who said she'll go to orchard with me after she saw the dentist.. but after that! tragedy struck and han and tiffy saw janis and the green house backups! and they're both fm green house! so they had to stay to help paint the cans! ahhh! then i was kinda like "dumped" but i didn't wanna go orchard alone.. then after a LONG LONG while of discussing.. until like 1! janis decided she'd go with me.. and tiffy was so undecided.. so wasted even more time.. yup.. then we rushed to heeren to look for my flats.. but didn't find any!! then we went to cine and found a pair! orange!! haha.. then later janis had to meet her friend to catch a movie.. so i was left with tiffy and i accompanied her for lunch.. then cuz i didn't wanna eat.. i decided i should go to the bowling alley to look for yang since i was already there.. yup.. then as i left kfc, i saw them outside! haha.. talk abt coincidence.. he was with jonas and weisong and two other friends.. haha.. and i felt so awkward! cuz everytime i see them then i'd not know what to say la.. so it's like.. -awkward silences- then i'd suddenly burst out saying something.. like seriously sudden outburst.. haha.. so i think they think i'm like a weirdo or sth! ahaha! but who cares.. anw.. after tt.. i went back to keep tiffy company.. then they were like walking to and fro.. and they suddenly decided to come kfc.. haha.. and sat behind me.. so i was like.. didn't know what to do.. then after tiffy finished eating, had to rush off to meet ying at j8 where we took a bus to her house to do project. bernice and grace got on the bus when we were at their stop.. then they were discussing like crazy.. this is the very first time i did project like siao.. haha.. they were like to seriously focused! although they did digress abit.. but the stuff they do are like so intellectual.. so i felt abit extra la.. anw.. after that had pizza at ying's house.. and left at 8+.. sigh.. we haven't completed the darn thing! i think we're gonna end up having more than 40 slides.. u just wait.. haha i bet k!
anw.. yang promised to tag daily.. so if i don't see his tag.. i know i'm not on the list anymore! ahaha!

yesterday and today
sigh.. yesterday went to bodyworld.. ahh!!! so freaky! at the ticketing counter they showed us the videoclip of the process of preserving the bodies! then when we went in.. there were bodies around.. then there was one with the eyes popping out.. which i didn't dare go and see.. and there was this old man whose body was sliced into so many slabs and hung up for display.. sick man.. can see the flesh and stuff.. this is really brief.. so if u're already feeling grossed out.. don't go! and there was this huge camel with the head cut into 3 parts.. with the fur still on! and there was this section which was kinda blocked up.. only for ppl who really wanna go see.. it was some baby foetuses.. and some were deformed.. lucky i was too grossed out to look at the severely deformed ones.. and so i was turning ard walking abt.. then suddenly i looked in the direction of the pregnant woman.. and her eyes were like staring back at me!!! so freaky!! ok.. then after that went to fish and co. to have lunch with gen, ying and cristal.. and the service was so bad! they were so slow.. and cristal was so pissed.. then walked at super fast speed to marine parade cc to the tns black box and watched mixed blessings which starred rosalind pho.. and many more! haha.. they were good actors! real good.. made me wanna cry la.. lucky we didn't have to take part! haha.. then after that went home by myself cuz dad was at suntec and mum and sis were at changi beach club.. today.. i'm so stressed up.. cuz the camp stuff isn't settled yet.. then still dunno what to do!!! ahh!!! i'm sososo stressed.. sigh.. shall go work on it now.. tag my board!! i finally got it working!!

i'm in a very good mood today.. cuz i'm going out!!!!! haha.. anw, i found out that peter is very nice to talk to out of all of them.. as in.. there's always something i can relate to.. yup. although he's not convinced abt those jie-di relationships and stuff.. i don't blame him.. and i won't force my views on him.. haha..yay.. i guess this is a start of another wonderful friendship once again.. yang's gonna have race later at serangoon stadium.. where's that?? -scratches head- might go check it out if i have time and provided i can find the place.. too bad we can't have a stoning session today..sigh.. leaving for bodyworld soon.. hope i don't puke.. then after that going for forum theatre at marine parade.. i wanna go orchard!!!!!!!! sigh.. but i guess that's life.. as yang said.. when u have something.. u want something else.. when u get that.. u'll start asking for something else.. so i guess i'll just have to make do with what i have now and not ask for too much! :)

my new friends
yesyes.. peter is not dao, he's not a flirt and he's very friendly.. that's what i just found out after talking to him! haha.. yup! he's definitely a nice guy.. wenjian.. or should i say ivan is very sociable and friendly too! haha.. fine.. my eyes paste stamp.. i thought peter was a flirt and ivan was very shy.. so turns out i'm wrong la! very good la.. now i made new friends! and mingshu and wei xin too!!! haha.. they're all just so friendly la!

yay! made new friends! haha.. ok.. today was supposed to have meeting after school.. but then i cancelled it cuz most of the sec 3's couldn't make it la.. yup.. then actually wanted to go sinyao's house to help her with souvenirs.. haha.. but then met yanhan again outside macs where sinyao's class was treating the tchs guys to cake.. so ya.. i decided to meet yanhan at kebun baru cc to get something done after all.. peter actually asked me to play bball with them.. but i didn't want.. haha.. then cuz the bball court at the cc couldn't be used.. then they went to amk ave 1.. discussed a little with yanhan while jialing and cheryl went to find out where they went.. when they came to get their bags.. i went off with them to the bball court cuz there wasn't much else to be done for the camp.. and yanhan was busy.. yup.. so we went there to watch them play.. haha.. peter still doesn't remember that i'm from his class.. but he definitely remembers jill though! haha.. not surprising.. then after they played for like an hour.. then we went to the coffee shop nearby to slack even more.. haha.. yup.. sigh.. got my ppr today.. and my results are super lousy.. though i improved from last year.. my marks for l1r5 was so super high k.. sigh.. must work harder.. but i already know i'm gonna fail add maths next term.. cuz of today's test.. die... bleh..

yay! my new blog! thanks to kor! yay! now can de-stress here in future.. muahaha.. i think those guys fm tchs are quite friendly la.. maybe except for peter.. haha! they say he's a flirt.. well.. what can i say.. he was fm my previous third lang class.. haha.. then always act cool one.. today met yang at the interchange! ahaha.. he's so nice la.. not dao anymore.. heehee.. haha.. he called me jie in this endearing tone! ahaha! so happy.. but basically he called me jie cuz he knows i like it la.. haha.. i really really gotta thank him for being there for me when i'm so.. i dunno how to explain la.. sigh.. shit.. haven't revised my add maths.. there's test tmr.. and i dunno like.. everything! must study later!!! ahh! tmr get ppr.. hope my results are not tt bad.. actually i don't think it'll be okay la.. considering i only failed 1 chinese test by one mark.. but ohwells. who cares. it's too late to fret now anyway..

testing 1, 2, 3!

x * denial//

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